2002-09-27 
 

into the woods

Turn off the lights. Close up the house. Place sign on door. 'Gone camping.'

See you next week!

* posted by me at 5:09 PM

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maximum security prism

Sometimes, when I allow myself to be quiet, I can see how the future may play itself out. There's never just one way to get from point A to point B and it pleases me to sit atop one mountain and look across at the next mountain I'll be climbing up and try to determine my path. The fun thing is that once I'm down in the valley, there's hundreds of different paths to take that weren't visible sitting on top of the mountain.

For those of you wondering, the title above sounded cool when I typed it in, but the blog went in a much more positive direction. See what I mean about getting to choose which path you go down?

* posted by me at 2:51 AM

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2002-09-25 
 

drifting

G and I watched Drift last night. I liked it for several reasons: good dialogue, real looking actors, and an Asian in a lead role without that being what the film was about. (Now if we can get a gay character in a mainstream lead role without that being what the movie's about I'll just jump up and down with glee!) Still not sure if I'm clear on exactly what the movie was trying to say, but I'll be a bit oversimplistic and say that the message was this...make a choice and choose to be happy with it, wherever it may take you. (The romantic in me rebels because I preferred the second ending, but that's what makes life great...everyone should get a chance to have their say.)

I like movies that leave me thinking.

* posted by me at 3:18 AM

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2002-09-22 
 

northern voices

Spoke to Bunny G the other day. All seems well up north in Klamath River. (west of Yreka) I like having a better visual image of where she's at. Gives me something to focus on when I'm sending her good thoughts. (And now I have to focus on a size 4! Seems farm life has thinned her out some, but she assures me it looks good on her and isn't at all heroin chic.)

Had planned on going out dancing last night as it isn't one of G's fave activities, and I figured I'd better go for it while he's roughing it down in Big Basin, BUT got a splitting headache from the cheap wine I had with lunch. (I should know better than to drink two glasses and then STOP. How silly of me.) So I popped some Vicodan and watched Moulin Rouge for the umpteenth time - still lovely. Interesting to watch it with the new knowledge that it's considered part of the "Red Curtain Trilogy" which started with Strictly Ballroom and continued with Romeo and Juliette (the Leonardo DiCaprio version.)

Just reread the above paragraph and I sound like a bored suburban housewife in some feminist novel from the 70's. Strange thing is, when I was a teenager, it was my dream to become a bored suburban housewife - one who led a secret double life. (I.E. Mrs. King)
Actually, that wouldn't be too bad, would it?

Factoid of the day: If the above link on Mrs. King ever becomes inactive, let me know. There are QUITE a few websites out there for a show that's been in reruns for well over a decade.

* posted by me at 6:23 PM

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2002-09-21 
 

san francisco summer

It's official. San Francisco summer has arrived. The days are warm and breezy, the nights are warm and breezy. It's my favorite time of the year here. The good news is that it occurs several times during the year. (a week in late February/Early March being another fave time of mine)

G's on a little camping trip with Healing Waters. I begged off in order to have a weekend in the house alone. I plan on doing some serious catchup reading with one (or more) of my many new books. Anyone who thinks this sounds like a fun plan, I have one word for you. FRIEND! Thank god G understands my need to read. (and just generally have a bit of down time)

* posted by me at 6:12 PM

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2002-09-20 
 

big brother has left the building

OK, so what's up with this amazon.com "Gold Box" thing? Everytime I click on it it offers me savings on items like lawnmowers, weedwackers, baby carriages, barbie dreamplanes, etc. What ever happened to the idea that the internet was going to cause us to lose all our privacy and be personally marketed to? (Well, ok, the dreamplane was tempting, but the other items show that amazon has no clue about who I am. And this is after several years of purchases that should've given them half a clue at least.)

That's all for tonight, just a quick vent.

* posted by me at 12:13 AM

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2002-09-18 
 

time and a half

We watched Clockstoppers last night. G said it best, it was a bit like watching a Disney Channel movie of the month. Cute and all, but not quite as edgy as we'd expected. The sixteen year old boy in me loved it and got a crush on Jesse Bradford. (well, maybe that was the 24 year old in me, after all Jesse's about 24 himself) Today, as I raced from meeting to meeting I wished for a nifty watch like that for myself. It would make morning rush hour a breeze to navigate and instead of rushing from meeting to meeting, I could stop in at Starbucks and make myself a cup of coffee.

In other news, had several friends comment that I've seemed a bit down lately in my blog, which was gratifying because it means people are still reading this...wow. But scary because it makes me want to make every day an adventure.

Today started off like any other, too many pounces on the snooze alarm followed by a race to make it out the door on time. Yes, it started like any other, but then, as I took my well worn shortcut through Hayes Valley in hopes of avoiding the traffic on the main streets something odd happened. A spaceship, looking remarkably like a doublewide trailer from some flyover state park, descended open me and opened up its cargo bay doors to reveal...

Seriously though, I'm doing fine, I think it was a combination of a lot of different things. G and I have to move from our great apartment soon and while I've learned to embrace change as a constant and exciting part of life I'm basically still a lazy person and the thought of moving bums me out. (It is, after all, one of the three most stressful events people deal with in life. Death and Marriage/Divorce being the other two. Zoicks! Then there's the eventual move back East that I hope for and dread all at the same time. (though it does put our upcoming move across town into proper perspective) Then there's that whole September 11th thing. I think that there's been melancholy on the air and I've just generally responded to it.

SO. Happy thoughts folks. Butterflies still follow me around and remind me that I'm on the right track. G's still the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. I've been able to keep in touch with more friends via modern technology than I ever thought possible. And hundreds more. (including the fact that I can update this blog from work while I'm waiting for disks containing images from the shoot I recently attended in the Caribbean...yes, not a bad life)

And here the disks are, so until we meet again...

...the cargo bay doors opened to reveal a short, squat alien wearing a faded Iron Maiden T-shirt and some plastic bangle bracelets circa 1984. He - and I only assume gender here due to his deep yet calming voice - asked me for directions to Lucas Ranch. Seeing as work held no interest for me today, and that I had always hoped for a ride in a genuine spacecraft, I offered to show him the way myself. So here I am, flitting above the Marin Headlands in the company of an alien named Blix and updating my blog via a very high tech tool he refers to as an Inglebop.
(Just in case I left you hanging back there.)

* posted by me at 9:59 PM

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2002-09-17 
 

park pictures

A big weekend for gathering together with friends. Dinner over on Fell Street on Friday and a birthday party on Saturday. Also this weekend, a photoshoot in Douglas and Golden Gate Parks courtesy of Lena. For our birthdays this past June, she offered to take a few rolls of G and myself so that we'd finally have a picture we're both happy with. (one of us always ends up with redeye or something worse) It was a bit odd being on the other end of the camera for once, but I'm glad we did it. I'm pretty sure we got a few really good shots in there. (how could we not? she's got a great eye and being a friend helped us not have that "I'm getting my picture taken" look that I tend to suffer from)

Bunny Girl's popped into my head quite a bit this weekend. It's probably just hanging with Lena and then a pretty intense discussion G and I had on Sunday that caused her to pop into my mind, but still think it might be a good idea to give her a call this week and catch up. My Mikeysense is tingling.

* posted by me at 2:05 AM

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2002-09-13 
 

brave bart

For some time now I've been following the life of Bart in Trabaca. There's much about him that reminds me of who I was 10 years ago and I've got a bit of an older brother feeling about him, though we've never even chatted. Just over the past week, he came out to his parents and the support he's gotten from people who read his blog is just amazing. Another example of exactly where the internet can take us. I can't help but feel a bit proud and protective of him, especially since his blog was one of the contributing factors to me starting love&otherdrugs. YAY Bart!

* posted by me at 3:09 PM

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2002-09-11 
 

writing on the sky

I'm having one of those rare slow days at work and figure I'd make the most of it. I think I've mentioned that they moved my cube at work, and I now have a window directly behind me. This means that I can see the reflection of the blue sky, a tree and a pirate flag on my computer screen as I type this. It's not as distracting as you might think, it's actually rather pleasant, as if I'm writing my thoughts on the sky.

A good friend and I often exchange poetry and random snippets of writing. I've decided I need to start placing some of what I write out here. For what it's worth, here's what I wrote yesterday. (with special thanks to Stacia, an angel in her own right)

message to myself, age 14

somewhere underneath the forced smile in every picture lies a heart beating fast-
overflowing with fear that my falseness will be discovered

beneath the not too trendy clothes i wore to meld in, chameleon-like, with the pack-
lay self inflected scratches and two shy bruises gained from flinging myself to the side of the road

i tripped, i say, to anyone curious enough to ask-
and the clumsiness that i've allowed to pervade my life protects me

smoke another of dad's cigarettes while everyone's out-
sneak another sip from the liquor cabinet, but don't let them know, never let them know-
only i deserve to know how evil i am

but then the ever-present light of those around me-
slowly led me to see a deeper self than the one i hid from the outside

so i flew away from them...desperate to avoid the truth-
desperate to continue on my path as a fallen messiah

but i'd already been forced to recognize my inner light once-
and angels have a funny way of showing up no matter how alone you try to be

I look back to the zit-pocked, frightened youth I was and I tell him to keep the faith-
Keep singing along with Kermit kiddo, somehow, much deeper inside, you knew where it could lead

it's ok to be Happy-
it's ok to Dream

* posted by me at 4:11 PM

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for once it's not about me

I had an odd dream this morning just before waking. The times weigh heavy on my mind, as they do many others these days.

While I'm at work tomorrow, several good friends will be walking through the scattered greenery one still can find in NYC. I'll be with them in spirit.

* posted by me at 2:33 AM

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2002-09-09 
 

a little break

Been a while since I blogged anything. A brief update for the record:

Thursday night we had dinner and drinks with Keeks. She was a bit frazzled by a bad day at work, but it was good to see her and SOOO good to have the calamari at Indian Oven. Quite possibly the best calamari I've ever had.

The weekend has been spent mostly relaxing with G and I going out for occasional forays into the world around us, but nothing too grand. Found an interesting webpage parable that makes me glad to work for a company that does its best to own the past to the current group of monkeys.

Got to that site from one G forwarded me with some interesting views on the legalization of drugs which I tend to agree with.

Saw a few movies this weekend, but the one that sticks in my mind is an indie called No One Sleeps. Between the occasional bad dialouge and strange acting lies an interesting thriller. Almost makes me wish Hollywood had gotten their golden paws on it, but realize that they'd probably turn it into a story about a slighlty off-beat couple searching down the killer of their gay best-friend/nextdoor neighbor.

Last night I couldn't sleep and kept thinking that I ought to use the time more productively by getting in here and posting an update, but couldn't get myself to crawl out from under the safety of the warm covers. I've had a feeling of doom about today for the past week. (I'm not at work today, partially because I took this as a vacation day long ago for a vacation that we postponed until October, but mostly because I just had a bad feeling about the idea of going to work today, so I told them last week that I was keeping the day for myself. The feeling's still there, sitting in the pit of my stomach. The way I used to feel as I prepared for school back in 10th grade when I knew it was a gym day.

Which takes me to a slightly happier place. I never have to go to gym class again. It may seem a bit ironic that someone who hated gym so much as a child has, as an adult, paid good money to belong to a gym, but they're really two very different things. One is a societally acceptable (and enforced) form of group torture while the other is an acceptable method of keeping oneself in shape.

Anyway, my stomach feels funny and I have a strong desire to stick my head into a book and not come out of it until after the feeling has passed. This would suggest that I truly am truly regressing into a highschool state of mind when books were my drug of choice. I wonder what it is that's scaring me right now? I've thought about what's going on in work and there's nothing remotely gymlike. Then again, I wonder why I'm so afraid of letting myself dip back into that bag of joy I knew years ago when I could lose myself for hours between the pages of a book. Oh yes. The desire to never leave the pages. That wouldn't work for me now.

All that being said, I'm currently re-reading the first books in the Adrian Mole series by Sue Townsend. Talk about angst!

* posted by me at 1:55 PM

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2002-09-04 
 

alone

I think G and myself may be the only people in the United States who are not addicted to American Idol. We've never been that big on the whole reality genre. (Though we will sometimes get sucked in to a specific show...like my recent addiction to The Mole.) My point is that Idol is all anyone at work can talk about these days and while I can appreciate the neo-Star Search vibe, I'm at a loss to explain the level of passion people are bringing to conversations about these people. I get the feeling that Cman is going to actually cry if Justin wins. Even more scary is this: Even though I haven't seen one full episode, I do have a favorite contender in tonight's finale. Kelly just sounds sweeter. (and Justin is too prefab for my tastes)

In more reality news: something I will be unable to avoid watching is this. I know it's just a modern take on bread and circuses, but I can't help it. I'll be routing for the family though. After all, how many times have I been a fish out of water and acted my way into (or out of) a clique?

* posted by me at 10:58 PM

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2002-09-03 
 

slow motion

Moved in slow motion all day today while at work. It's always a bit hard coming back into the office after a holiday weekend, but today was extra difficult for some reason. I had the motivation of a garden slug. I shall counteract it this evening with lots of time spent in front of the television.

* posted by me at 10:52 PM

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2002-09-01 
 

By the way, for those of you who are interested, I finally updated my postcard section with a lovely pic of New England during Christmastime.

* posted by me at 8:52 AM

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until the end of time

Just rewatched Moulin Rouge. Even better the second time around! Catapulted itself quickly into my personal top ten upon the first viewing and easily snuck up into my top five tonight. You'll either hate it or love it, but either way it deserves a chance. Don't pass it up because it falls into the musical genre; this film is destined to become a classic. Ewan McGregor surprised me with pop star abilities that easily match his acting talent, and Nicole Kidman remains enticing whether she's singing or acting. For those of you still unconvinced by modern technology, DVD is the way to go. Special features keep you singing and dancing until the wee hours of the morning. I'm going to make sure that both the CD and DVD end up in our collection soon. Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir? Indeed!

Should mention that we started the evening off with a viewing of No Such Thing on pay per view. Also a new fave, though not quite up in the top five. Iceland meets Media York, and a man before time meets his fate. A film I would have loved completely whilst in college. Are we destined to destroy the beauty we live for? The older and wiser me shouts out, "I think not!"

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." ~ Moulin Rouge

* posted by me at 8:33 AM

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