2002-12-30 
 

patch of snow on the ground

Saw The Hours this weekend. Both G and I thought it was beautiful and well done. Of course, neither of us has read the book so take that with a pinch of salt. The thing that sticks with me most, two days later, is the haunting score by Philip Glass. That and Toni Collete's character. I had a rather odd dream last night that I was having sex with her. (while she was in character as a 50's housewife...do I secretly love Lucy and just haven't admitted it yet?) The subconscious is a very strange thing.

In other news, 2002 is coming quickly to a close. Gotta admit, it hasn't been my favorite year, but I'm trying to see the good instead of concentrating on the langweilig und drang. (I'm going for a boring/stressful combo there...not sure if it hits the mark.)

Bright points, in no particular order, were:

I got to spend a week in the Carribean courtesy of work.

Managed to keep my Premier status at United, and they still haven't gone completely belly up.

Dude sold two paintings!

G and I had a great time camping at Big Basin and spent an afternoon being elves in the forest.

I started this blog.

Attended my first Vegas wedding.

Got to see M twice (and looking forward to starting the New Year off right with a visit later next week. Let's go for three or four times this year!)

G and I survived our tenure in Jersey Street with our relationship intact proving once again the old adage,"That which does not kill us, does indeed make us stronger."

Actually, as I go back through what I've written, overall 2002 was a pretty good year....it's just been a lousy fall. Recent memory always colors that which came before it.

* posted by me at 10:14 PM

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2002-12-28 
 

wedding bell blues

I have some good friends who are having problems in their marriage and it hurts to see them go through it. The thing is that I'm incredibly close to both of them and can't really do much other than listen for fear of getting caught in the middle. Getting caught in the middle was something I became quite good at in my twenties and I'm really trying to let it go since it usually ends up causing both parties to resent me. Suffice it to say that it hurts me to watch them going through it all, even though I know their current struggle may be a very necessary obstacle on the path to happiness for them. I support them both with my love and they know they can talk to me if they need an ear...I'm just not very good at giving advice is all. After all, G and I are only in the "engagement" period of our relationship. I'd be like a priest playing marriage counselor.

Speaking of, G and I have been trying to figure out a good term to use for the status of our relationship. We both refuse to be tied down to the definition and phases of relationship that society has laid down for hetero couples, but have a hard time explaining where we're at when asked. We exchanged rings back in October for our two year anniversary as a symbol that we're a unit, but it's not quite as intense as a wedding thing. To be honest, in this modern world, how intense is a wedding thing? It's not a lifelong commitment anymore anyway no matter what the vows say, yet G and I have made promises to each other that amount to the same thing.

I look around at friends of mine in other alternative relationships. Is Bun married? Well, not in the hetero sense of the world, but she's definitely made a commitment to the group of folks she's living with...and probably a more intense commitment than many hetero couples make at the alter. Now, what about my friends who have a third party in their relationship? A scenario I never would have imagined working when I was younger which suits them just fine and ends up just as stable as couplehood. I think that it all just boils down to love.

And of course, choosing to be happy.

* posted by me at 2:55 PM

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2002-12-26 
 

stuck in la la land

It's been a busy few days. Good, but busy. I've been up late talking to Dude or Dad (past two or three a.m.) most nights and just been in a whirlwind of activity. Was quite looking forward to getting home to G last night, but the weather and United Airlines had different plans. First, my direct flight succumbed to those mysterious mechanical difficulties, then the alternate flight (through LA) was delayed by an hour or so thanks to way too much snow. So I ended up in LA around midnight. United was good enough to get me a room at one of the airport hotels, but I was only there for a few hours before returning here.

So, I'm hoping that flight 1806 takes off on time and lands without incident in SF as planned. The only super cool thing is that I'm tapping this in from one of the internet access points provided right here at the gate. I'm a big enough geek to get a silent thrill of sci-fi from the experience. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good day.

* posted by me at 10:39 AM

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2002-12-23 
 

less drunk

While the beer I was swilling last night had a bit to do with the enigmatic entry below, it is mostly due to the conversation Dude and I were having. We were talking about his art and how he gets to put all of his various emotions into it, and I felt jealous because I often self censor when writing here. Not going to do that anymore. I'll start being a bit more blunt with my comments when necessary, but I'm also going to start writing more offline in order to work shit out when it deals with subjects that are too sensitive to others for me to share here. Or I'll make them into fiction and let folks figure out for themselves which parts are based in truth. After all, isn't that what writers do?

In other news: Went to the Hanover Mall today and reconfirmed that suburbia scares me way more than the streets of San Francisco. Who are all these dough people with slightly threatening looks in their eyes? There's normal people too, but too many dough people for comfort. I don't mean that they're fat, just that the look as if someone molded them...too round or too sharply defined...like golems.

* posted by me at 5:25 PM

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end of the line

This is where it starts. That's all you need to know for now. Just trust me. It's a very good thing. I'll tell you more tomorrow.

* posted by me at 2:45 AM

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2002-12-20 
 

shifting focus

Been so internally focused lately that I have yet to share a bit of exciting news. Dude sold his first painting! I wish we had a photo so I could scan it in, but that was one that escaped Mom's lens. In more news...he sold his second painting yesterday! The purchasers are a gay couple who came to one of the gallery openings. They obviously have discriminating tastes. Can't wait to get home and give him a big hug in person.

I'm slightly inspired to get my own ass in gear and try to get something I've written sold.

* posted by me at 5:26 PM

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2002-12-18 
 

something stupid this way comes

Big dork = me. Booked my ticket home yesterday and had myself returning to SF on the 6:45 AM flight from Boston...on Christmas morning. Just had to pay a change fee in order to switch it to this evening. Goodbye leather jacket that I just bought. Can't justify THAT anymore. Needs to be returned.

Suck suck suck.

Yet, in a strange twist, I'm still in an amazingly good mood. It seems to have started Monday and keeps on keeping on. May have something to do with the fact that I'm allowing myself some Mikey time each night during which I read something fun, but might also have a bit to do with the fact that our long Jersey Street nightmare officially ends today. The owner is back and now it's up to her to deal with it. No more need for G to dash off at any given time to deal with leaky faucets, exploding water heaters, dripping ceilings or flooded alleyways. (That place is a prime contender as a set for the next Noah's Ark movie.)

Kudos and thanks to Dad for his sharp eye in catching my 6 am vs. pm flight error. Being at Logan by 4am on Christmas day would not have been a pleasant memory to carry around with me.

* posted by me at 5:17 PM

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2002-12-17 
 

a-googling

I've said it before and I'll say it again: The internet is a strange and wonderful place. Where else could I find this picture? So not me, but imagine my surprise when it came up during a random search. OK, I was trying to see if you could find this site by searching on my actual name. I'm obviously avoiding work this afternoon.

Also found a site for Slaven's in general which is pretty cool. I think this guy, who just happens to share my name, is looking for further info on my great grandfather's family. Hmmmm.

* posted by me at 4:47 PM

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2002-12-16 
 

rainy days and mondays

We've had a monster storm pass through over the weekend. [insert preferred hyperbole here] of rain fell down upon us, and our fireplace made a continuously spooky sound as the wind fought to find a way into our home. G and I both love this stuff and had trouble getting to sleep due to our excitement. Around 1 a.m. I started a new book in hopes that it would help make me sleepy, but the opposite happened. E. (a novel) by Matt Beaumont kept me occupied until 4 in the morning while the rain pounded down around us. Haven't finished it yet, but already feel comfortable recommending it to anyone who's ever worked in or with an advertising agency. Hilarious! (and frighteningly accurate in many respects)

Thanks to the rain and hilarity, today I am sleepy, sleepy, sleepy, but the sun is out and I feel strangely calm. Lack of sleep will do that to you I guess.

* posted by me at 1:45 PM

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2002-12-14 
 

diary of a madman

I'm better now, but I lost it yesterday evening. G and I went over to Jersey to do the final boxing up of knick knacks and such and he, in a cleaning frenzy, was throwing away much and packing up little. (I want to be clear that this is a good thing, we're both severe pack rats and sentimental fools to boot.) We weren't really speaking much due to the fact that we were both in bad moods and really shouldn't have been in the same room, but sometimes that happens when your doing the couple thing.

Anyway, G threw away this entirely cheesy and pretty awful looking gorilla that I'd given him for our first Valentine's day together and that's when I lost it. Started slamming things around, and when he asked me what was wrong I burst into tears and couldn't stop crying. Well, the good thing is that he totally supported me, but I couldn't stop. It wasn't just the move, but that combined with the hell we've been dealing with on the tenant front, my recent fender benders, money, work being so hectic and uncertain right now, no time to myself where I could truly relax for the past two months and the knowledge that it's just going to continue through into the new year. Lost it is the only way to describe that feeling of squish. I haven't felt that pressured since my sophomore year of college when I had a series of mini breakdowns that resulted in a good year of therapy. I've been under pressure since, but thanks to the therapy, knew how to deal with it. You see, there's this little voice. (I know, you're now thinking that I truly have lost it.) But I'm talking about that inner voice that keeps telling me to buck up and get over myself. That reminds me that much of humanity has been through situations that make my life look like a cakewalk. That tells me other people are more important than myself. I've been so busy trying to get everything done and support those around me that I kept listening to him instead of doing what I needed and calling a time out. No more. We packed up the cars last night, came home to our cozy new space, lit a fire and just forgot about it all for a while. More good news is that this should be a relatively easy week of work and I'm even thinking of taking a day off. (Imagine that!) Even better news is that my freak out didn't cause G to run screaming in the opposite direction...it just made him hold me tight and tell me that he loves me.

The holidays at home are probably going to be a bit more hectic than I'd like, but I'm going to remember that it's ok to go off into a corner and just take care of me. I sound like a self help book, but I think that's a good thing.

* posted by me at 5:19 PM

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2002-12-13 
 

sweetness follows

Saw Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets last night. Not as good as the first movie, but then I felt the same way about the second book vs. the first. Special note to M: Not recommended for children under 8 or 9.

In other news, we're going over to Jersey Street this afternoon to pack up the final boxes of files and knick knacks. I've hired someone to come in and clean the place tomorrow morning, so at least we won't have to worry about that. I'll be so very glad when I can put Jersey firmly into the land of memory. We had a good year and a half there, but the past two months were HELL. I'm ready to close that chapter and flip the page.

* posted by me at 1:16 PM

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2002-12-11 
 

sleepy

Sometime last night I knocked over a glass of water by the bedside table and shorted out the alarm clock. This morning I woke up quite late to see the clock displaying the time in Elvish, which was neat but didn't stop the fact that I missed the first hour of work.

Oops.

In other news, G found our new apartment on line...

* posted by me at 5:19 PM

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2002-12-09 
 

crash into me

Did I mention I bumped into a guy last week with my car? Well, I bumped his car with my car. Bumping into an actual lone person would be extra bad and I probably would've told you sooner. (or never)

I was waiting at a red light, light changed, we all started moving, but then he slammed on his brakes. (motorcycle in front of him stalled out) I slammed right into his bumper and pushed it in a bit. I actually went into mini-shock. First time in my life I've actually felt totally at fault for an accident I've been in. (and that INCLUDES totally Mom's Audi years ago) He was cool about it and we exchanged info to let the insurance companies duke it out. Just heard from them today and all seems well.

Now, this morning as I'm driving in to work, a young woman named Michelle pulled out of her parking space and smashed into the right front of my car as I was going by. First rainy day of the season in SF always sees a few more accidents than normal, but I've always managed to avoid those. I learned to drive in a New England winter, so a little rain isn't going to freak me out the way it does some folks who grew up here.

She sat in her car for a good five minutes, sobbing. I thought for a moment she was going to get out and start screaming - which would have pissed me off since she was clearly at fault for not checking traffic before pulling out into me - but no screaming. Just tears and apologies and more tears and more apologies and then it started to pour instead of sprinkle down on us and we discovered that her car (ex-boyfriend's car actually) had damage to the front wheel well. More tears and a few hugs later we'd exchanged information, but I promised not to contact the insurance co until after she'd spoken with her ex.

It's an odd feeling, hugging a complete stranger who just hit your car, but I'm imagining that she's been through a rough patch lately and sometimes you just have to do what your instinct says is right, no matter how odd it seems.

Here's the thing. My car was damaged a bit more in the crash than I would've liked, but I've just heard from her and she's asking that I don't go to the insurance company. The truth is that all this morning's bump means is that Zip's got some extra dings on his right side to complement those on his left side. He still drives fine. (and, in a nice twist, a minor alignment problem that stemmed from my bumping over a curb during our recent move seems to have been fixed)

Poor little Zip. His insides are golden thanks to regular checkups, but I can't justify the thousands of dollars of body work he requires to make his outsides shiny and new again. The cost of those repairs is more than he's worth at this point, so I just keep parking on San Francisco streets and treat every new ding as a proud battle scar.

So I have no problem accepting Zip's most recent bruising, but I'm worried that I'll get screwed later on for not reporting it. Am I being naive giving her a break? I hope not. I hope that being nice sometimes lets you finish first.

TOOT TOOT! <------ my own horn

* posted by me at 7:36 PM

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2002-12-07 
 

mythology

OK, I know deep down that she's not doing these things on purpose, but the tenant who moved in last month is driving me insane. It seems that every five minutes she's calling with some problem or another: A question. A need to chat. A need to vent. and G, being the extra nice guy that he is, gets sucked in to her viscious little whirlpool. I'm beginning to get a bit selfish and wish that he'd concentrate on me instead. Is this how he feels when I have to work on the weekend? Maybe. But the thing is that my job usually gives a bit of a heads up before I have to do something like that. She just randomly calls at the drop of the hat and there's no telling how much of his time it'll suck up.

Besides, we haven't had the ability to just take a weekend off and relax since coming back from Massachusetts in OCTOBER. Grant you, much of that is do to the fact that we've just moved into a new place. The search, the finagling, the MOVE. (I feel a bit like Sisyphus. I keep traipsing up and down the stairs with boxes, but it never ends!) And the succubus, as I've dubbed the new tenant, manages to butt in whenever we do have a moment to ourselves. I'm not being unreasonable here. I know she didn't cause the ceiling in her bathroom to leak the other night at 11pm, but her need to constantly chat with G about her other little problems is pissing me off. I'm supposed to be the drama queen in his life, not her!

That's all, just needed to vent a bit. I'll be better after our trip to IKEA today. That is, if G can field the succubus's call that just came in while he was in the shower without having to physically go over there and calm her down...oooh! She BOTHERS me! (The extra silly thing is that I am fully aware that I'm choosing to let all of this get to me...what's up with that? Oh yes. I'm a drama queen...forgot for a moment. We'll now return you to our regularly scheduled program.

* posted by me at 3:52 PM

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2002-12-05 
 

still unhooked

Still no computer hookup at the new apartment, so I'm tapping this out quick before leaving work. New apartment is loved muchly by M'nG. Old apartment will soon fade into the mists of memory...once we get over there and finish emptying the last bits from it that is. We have soooo much stuff. I'm starting to aggressively cull through my stuff and eliminate things I haven't used in over a year...unless they have sentimental value. That's the problem. I'm a sentimental kind of guy and ticket stubs from the first movie G and I saw must not be thrown away. (Broken Hearts Club...love that movie!) I'm getting much better about clothing and video tapes though...especially since DVDs are much easier to store.

OK, I'm just babbling now because my brain's rather melted. Hopefully will get a chance to post again tomorrow.

* posted by me at 8:42 PM

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