2003-03-08 
 

patterns

I just went through my inbox and cleaned out a bunch of forwards that I haven't had a chance to deal with lately. The Flash Mind Reader, in particular, kept me amused for a while as I tried to figure out how it worked. It got me thinking about patterns of all kinds, not just numerical ones. Why do we fall into the same well worn paths that we've trod down already to our own detriment? Why do we allow ourselves to be continually hurt by the same situations over and over again. What's the breaking point? Is the old cliche about "no pain, no gain" actually true? Do our painful experiences lead to some form of pleasure that makes us want to go through it all over again? I guess that could be a simplistic way of looking at various addictions. On the non-self destructive side of the coin, is that why it's hard for women to remember the actual physical pain of childbirth?

Not being a woman myself, I'm interested in what anyone has to say about the preceding fact...I've always wondered if it were true. Feel free to mail me and let me know.

This line of thought has been running through the back of my mind for a while now. I wonder about some of the shit I have to put up with at work and why I let it happen. The workload, the long hours and lack of autonomy sometimes threaten to suck the life from me, but sun drenched vacations...umm, I mean business trips do occur now and again. Those are quite nice, as are some of the other perks. (and the paycheck of course)

On another front: In my life with G, we have some things that it seems we'll never see eye to eye on, and this causes tension. A tension that is perhaps more unpleasant with him than with another being since my love is so deep at this point that it almost physically hurts to think he doesn't agree with me about certain things. BUT, the good times repeatedly slam the scales down in their favor in our relationship, and when it's not fresh in my mind I find it hard to remember that we're not always in perfect agreement about everything. Maybe I need to stop agreeing to disagree about certain things and just change my mind. Not that I could do that with everything I suppose. There are certain beliefs that are fundamental to my personality and without which I wouldn't be the person he fell in love with. I'll never give up the butterflies. Not that ever could do that, without suiciding. After all, I'm a butterfly myself.

Hmmm. Speaking of butterflies, I'm happy to report that M will be flying into San Jose today and that G and I'll be spending the day with her on Sunday and Monday. Much looking forward to it!

* posted by me at 4:57 PM

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