2003-06-29 
 

malapropism

Just a quick note to say that caveat emptor would have been a more appropriate expression than TANSTAAFL in yesterday's blog. Last night I had a dream in which I was reading a Heinlein book and one of the characters was explaining the difference between the two phrases. The subconscious mind is a strange thing.

Labels: dose of mikey, writing

* posted by me at 11:19 PM

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2003-06-28 
 

comments?

Well, as you may have noticed, any bon mots folks submitted over the past few months have disappeared. This is what I get for using someone else's scripting and server space. TANSTAAFL indeed!

So I'm trying out something new by using e-mail comments. Not so much immediate satisfaction for the poster and a bit more work for me, but it'll have to do until I get up the gumption to learn some scripting.

In other news: Happy SF Pride! Thanks to the Supreme Court's ruling earlier this week that gays and heterosexuals should (finally) enjoy the same rights to privacy no matter where they live in the country, this has already been a rather celebratory weekend here in SF and should only become more so as the weekend continues. Yay!

Labels: blogging, dose of mikey, san francisco

* posted by me at 5:26 PM

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2003-06-27 
 

home again?

After an uneventful flight, G and I are back in SF. I was a bit bummed that we were assigned to row 13 since in a 757 that's the odd row without the window. (I mean, doesn't the poor number suffer enough stigma without having people curse it out for making them feel even more sardine-ish?)

So back home from home. This trip was wonderful - after Salem, we had several days down Cape with the Dude and his Dudette. Was really nice getting to know her and spend time doing just chilling out for a while. Back home to Mom and Dad's where they had a nice little birthday dinner for the both of us. It's about then that I started going a bit down emotionally. Every time I go back it gets a little harder to leave. The next day as we were over the M's I just couldn't pep myself up. MomToo was chatting away about how Mom and Dad were doing, but I couldn't pay attention. The truth is I just wanted to start crying, but it's weird for me to just reach out for emotional support for no definable reason so I ended up being a little numb throughout the visit. Aside to the M's - and everyone else for that matter - this is all my own baggage that I'm dealing with, I blame no one else. I also know there's plenty of folks out there who would help me carry it, but I haven't quite figured out which bags are mine yet, so wait for me on the curb by the taxi stand and I'll be out shortly.

There's so many conflicting feelings about what home means to me. It's where the love is sure, but I've got that in two distinct places in this world now and I'm just not sure how to deal with it. SF is easy. Boston is hard. I have deeper, longer lasting relationships on the East Coast. SF is very transient. I love SF as a city. I don't so much love Boston as a city. It does have it's good points, but compared to SF? SF wins hands down. Add to that: I did meet G here and this city has some true benefits that the east coast is lacking.

What I guess I haven't quite touched on yet is the fact that I will be moving back. It's just a matter of waiting for the moment to be right. The recent upgrade in job and some vague promises of better economic future next year mean it could happen sooner rather than later. The pain I feel in leaving the folks back there every time I go makes it even more real...and for the first time I find myself almost missing SF in advance.

I do not plan on letting myself wallow in this "torn between two lovers" place. I do believe in living in the moment and choosing happiness, but that's only healthy if you've first allowed yourself to examine the choice. Otherwise it's just repression. So I'm examining.

Labels: dose of mikey, looking eastward, san francisco, spirit

* posted by me at 1:58 AM

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2003-06-21 
 

old homes

Been in New England for almost two full days now and actually feeling relaxed. Quite excited for tonight as we'll be heading Capeward and should be able to melt into little stress-free puddles amongst the pines.

Went up to Salem yesterday and saw both the House of Seven Gables and the Jonathan Corwin house. Hadn't been to either in quite some time and it was nice to see them...especially the Seven Gables. Love that secret passageway!

Mowed my parents lawn today. Funny, used to protest the task when I was much younger, but fully enjoyed the chance to do it today. Living in the city for the past 8 years really has changed me!

Labels: linkage, looking eastward

* posted by me at 3:01 PM

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2003-06-16 
 

bare peace

This unique protest method is just a beautiful idea. It shows courage and conviction in a very shocking yet unthreatening way. (Well, shocking to mainstream society...most of my friends have "been there, done that" at some point in their adult life and would fully support this form of art/protest if not join in.) Take the time to check out the gallery and link through to some of the sites actually hosting the pictures. All very good info on tolerance and a bit heartening. We are not alone!

I especially liked this poem and this picture.

Special thanks to G for passing it along!

Labels: linkage, random review

* posted by me at 11:41 PM

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2003-06-15 
 

familiar faces

Kissing Jessica Stein dissapointed me. (spoiler alert - read no further) It has an interesting idea at the center, but the ending displeased me a bit. Partially because the girls didn't end up together and they just SHOULD've, but also because, given that they didn't get together, everything was still tied up in a much too pretty bow. What bugged me the most about this bow, is that while the overall topic of gender/sexual preference was always there, the movie didn't delve into it as deeply as I would've liked. The subplot the movie needed to keep that pretty bow, took away time that could've concentrated on the main plot and kept it a little less like something we've seen before.

On the other hand, the two lead actresses did a rather good job, as did Carson Elrod. (as one of the gay best friends) I must ask, WHY does he look so familiar to me? I feel like I've met him before. Anyone?

Labels: linkage, random review

* posted by me at 8:52 PM

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2003-06-14 
 

pizza pizza pizza

Sat around last night with our friend S who's alone for the summer while Vyvianka works in Thailand. We made one of our pizzas, drank a bunch of bear and watched silly movies and tv. It's nice to have a guys night in every once in a while. Next time we'll get a bit more fancy and make something that'll make Vyvianka want to come back home to good ol' american cooking.

In other news: Annie Lennox just released Bare. My big plan this weekend is to go to Tower and check it out. Aaah...an exciting life, no?

Labels: dose of mikey, linkage

* posted by me at 4:55 PM

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2003-06-11 
 

child

A good friend of mine is about to have a child. (Well technically, my friend who he's married to is about to have a child, but this entry was sparked by something he wrote on his own site.) He's the first male from my various groups of friends to become a dad. M had little e a few years back and while I felt a certain wonderment about the whole thing, it didn't hit me in quite this way. Perhaps it was because I was young enough then to truly not want it, but maybe it's something else. For some reason the thought of one of my friends becoming a father made me feel bittersweet. Happy and excited to see him go through the experience, but a bit sad that I probably won't ever have that myself. The thought of looking down at another little life and knowing that you helped create it is strange and wonderful. There's something different about being a dad vs. being a mom. I can know this rationally, but I'll never get to experience it emotionally.

I have a friend who asked if I would donate sperm this past year and I said no because I truly do feel that the world is full enough without me adding to the mix, but a purely selfish side of me almost wishes I didn't feel that way. How fun would it be to have a bunch of little Mikey's running around? That's not really it though. A dad fills a very special niche in a person's life. I'm just wondering what it'd be like to fill that niche for someone.

Labels: dose of mikey, linkage, spirit

* posted by me at 6:16 PM

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2003-06-09 
 

pupal

Every once in a while I get a sense that some "thing" is imminent. It usually means I'm about to come to some sort of split in the road where a decision will have to be made. Could be something as simple as which way to drive to work, or as complicated as whether to go to Boston vs. someplace else. I'm not sure what it is this time, but I'll try to be on the lookout. The thing is, I never know exactly when it'll happen, but I know shortly after the fact. The pre-butterfly feeling goes away. Not butterflies in the stomach, though I feel those too sometimes, but instead a feeling that I'm in some sort of pupal state and about to burst forth into a new world.

I use the Boston example because it was once a choice I made. One summer I could've made it back there by squashing just a bit more onto the credit card, but I decided to stay in SF and "be responsible". It wasn't a matter of a right or wrong decision, but some pretty big things happened in a certain way...and I got to avoid them and stand aside later on. The distance helped me. I have a feeling that my presence would have embroiled me much deeper in things, even changed the way things played out. (though admittedly, most probably for the worse) On the other side of the coin, I also missed my last chance to see my grandfather alive. In some ways, he'll never leave me, and I know I'm going to see him again in the next round or two....still it'd be nice to have a chance to hug him again. As disappointed as he must've been by my decision to live my life honestly as a gay man, he never stopped loving me and he always meant his hugs.

For those of you who're wondering, the choice this time around wasn't whether or not to go to Boston, that was a pretty normal type of choice. Then again, maybe it's something else and not a choice moment at all.

butterflies landing
rainbows appearing
torn wishes set adrift

It sounds like some sad poem written by a child who's lost her pretty pony, doesn't it?

Labels: dose of mikey, spirit

* posted by me at 2:54 AM

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2003-06-06 
 

lovedisc

I have just, for the first time ever, taken the content of this site and burned it to a disc. The whole thing, pictures and all, is only 7 megabytes. I am filled with a sense of peace knowing that know I am finally safe if the servers crash. I'm such a geek that I'm contemplating making a copy of the disc and bringing it with me to Boston to place in the family safety deposit box in case something cataclismic ever happens here in the Bay Area. (the servers are also located close to the San Andreas fault)

I do like going to the safety deposit box. Gives me a thrill as if I were in some James Bond flick. Oh hush up all of you, I already owned the geek thing.

In other happy news: The California State Assembly passed AB 205.

AB 205 would provide couples who are registered as domestic partners with the state of California protections such as child custody and child support requirements, the right to make funeral arrangements, community property, financial support during and after a relationship, mutual responsibility for debts, and death benefits for surviving partners of police and firefighters.

From an e-mail I recieved from LAGLC - I'm being lazy and cutting and pasting.

Labels: blogging, dose of mikey, politics

* posted by me at 9:34 PM

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courage

Stuffed animals have a way of sneaking into your life. A joke gift one year, a cute valentine's bear another...soon you have a shelf of 'em. Today I had a little package from M and little e and Courage (the dog) was inside. Not sure if this is Courage 1, 2 3 as there have been several incarnations in M and little e's household, but it's a really sweet thing to get. Must send them a package soon...in fact what a great time to send out one of my little guys on a trip. So boring for them to just sit around the apartment all the time and never go anywhere.

Labels: dose of mikey

* posted by me at 12:41 AM

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2003-06-02 
 

speak up

I know I've written about this before, but it bears repeating. Gay couplehood is just as legit as hetero couplehood and there should be no legal distintions between the two. If marriage is in need of defense, as some right wing folk would claim, it is because it is one area where church and state are still quite tied together. Seperate them already! The California legislature will soon be voting on AB 205 which would grant many (though not all) of the rights given to straight married folks to registered domestic partners. Read more about this and other important issues at the Equality California website. In related news, I've read that Massachusetts may be the site of a decision that will turn the tide for the rest of the country. Gathering more info. Will report back soon.

In other gay news: Richard Chamberlain is officially out of the closet. It's a small step. He's not an A List movie star, but thanks to Shogun, The Thornbirds and other parts he played, he is relatively well known to millions of people. This is one of the first times I remember a romantic leading man of his fame coming out while still alive. (and happily living with his partner of 26 years in Hawaii.) Cheers!

There it is again. The island I've been dreaming of. G and I will either be back in Massachusetts in the end of June or visiting the Big Island.

Have I mentioned that I'm blogging from my own computer again? Kudos to G who figured out a way to fool the software into thinking my machine had the "new and improved" performance capabilities that the provider now requires.

Labels: dose of mikey, g, linkage, rant, shout out

* posted by me at 10:40 PM

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2003-06-01 
 

i love him

He's here.
I love him.
He invades the corners of my mind.
I love him.
When I'm on my own.
I love him.
Far from me, in someone elses mind.
I love him.
When I'm far away.
I love him.
Others come and go...
I love him.
When he's gone for a walk.
I love him.
Far away from anything I thought.
I love him.
When we're fighting.
I love him.
He'll never leave me.
I love him.
He's mine.
I love him.

Labels: g, writing

* posted by me at 9:03 AM

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