2004-01-19 
 

rinsing off

I do quite a bit of thinking in the shower. Today I thought about:

G dieing. (hey, he has the AIDS, it's not like it's a weird thought to have now and again)
Myself dieing. (after all, I could get hit by a turnip truck tomorrow)
Being cremated vs. buried. (I hate the thought of being underground forever after. Scatter me to the four winds please.)
The fact that I never visit gravesites. (other than my Gramps, but that's because his grave was a way for me to connect to my cousins who would also go and leave little bits behind.)
When I need someone who has passed on from this plane, I just talk to them.
(I'm glad this works for me or else I'd never get to say hi to Lotte, she's buried across the sea on another continent.)
When we die, I imagine that we get to relive all the perfect moments we've had in full, over and over. That's heaven.
G and I have had quite a few perfect moments. Times when you know, even as they're happening, that they'll stay with you forever.
We had a moment last night. Walking out to find some dinner...he put his arm in mine and that was all it took. For whatever reason, that moment will live with me forever. Not as dramatic as the stormy day up at Bodega Bay when we became one with the wind and scrambled over rocks in search of adventure, but a quieter, simpler moment that will always remind me of what we have together.
I think I'd like to get married for real. (damn republicans...and anyone who thinks love should be condemned vs. being celebrated.)
I thought of a lot of other things...old friends who I don't see much anymore. Getting beat up in 10th grade and never telling my parents. Getting a C- instead of an F thanks to some computer error back in 9th grade...and never telling my parents. Wondering how my parents are. Wondering how Dude and Dudette are doing. Does he love her as much as I love G? Yes, I think he does. Deep love doesn't come easily to my family, but when it does we hold on with all the power in our souls.

Then I finished shaving and it was time to turn of the water...and I thought about how I ought to think more.

Labels: dose of mikey, g, looking eastward, spirit, the gay

* posted by me at 6:04 PM

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