2004-01-31 
 

eyes have had it

Been staring at the computer too intently today trying to fix all the programs that got botched up when my computer crashed last month. Good news is that I can not only upload pictures from the camera again, but I can also ftp them to this website. SO, for the first time since we bought it a month ago, I can show you our new Civic Hybrid. (And to answer the question everyone seems to first ask: No, we don't have to plug it in.)



They call the color Magnesium...so SciFi!



There's G coming out of our friend's house for one of our first rides in the new car.



pretty, pretty lights

* posted by me at 9:12 PM

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2004-01-30 
 

silly

OK, I love my adopted city very much, but this over the top quote from a Valentine's article on MSN made me giggle and I wanted to share.

San Fran-sexy

If you haven't left your heart in San Francisco you haven't yet begun to use it. With its sultry fog, streets with curves in all the right places, and phallic Transamerica building, the city by the bay oozes sensuality.

I've been here for over eight years now. While the fog has been at various times mystical, spooky, mysterious, lonely, all encompassing, romantic, and even sometimes sexy, it's never once been sultry. San Francisco is not a sultry type of place. And while the bay could be seen, through a vaseline smeared lense, as sensual; I've thankfully never seen it ooze with anything.

Silly rabbit, wordplay is for kids who actually live in the city....unless you're just trying to boost tourism and help the local economy...in that case trick away!

* posted by me at 12:05 AM

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2004-01-26 
 

sometimes

Sometimes I can see the future. It's never crisp and clear, but instead rather fuzzy; like a photograph that hasn't fully developed yet. What I see isn't always inevitable and can often be changed a bit, but the fuzzy outline needs to remain lest the universe come to a shuddering halt and cease to exist.

It's rather more of a burden than a blessing.

* posted by me at 11:14 PM

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2004-01-23 
 

old friends


In every friendship there are moments when we take each other for granted. I'm sorry if I've done that these past weeks, months, years. I can't promise to get less self involved, but I can try to remember that the world needn't stop and start with the company that signs my paycheck.

Can you imagine us
Years from today,
Sharing a park bench quietly?
How terribly strange
To be seventy.
Old friends,
Memory brushes the same years
Silently sharing the same fears
'Old Friends'from the album 'Bookends' (1968) - Simon and Garfunkle

Labels: looking eastward, memory lane, shout out

* posted by me at 4:41 PM

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borrowed entry

I'm very tired tonight and can't bear the thought of being original. Read SB's entry of January 14th here. A series has ended and the sets have been torn down. I got to keep a coffee cup thanks to SB and I appreciate that.

In other news: Donnie Darko keeps popping up in odd places.

Labels: blogging, linkage, looking eastward, memory lane

* posted by me at 2:27 AM

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2004-01-21 
 

philosophy of time travel

Watched Donnie Darko last night. It's an incredible movie that I'll never forget. I can honestly say it's easily gained a spot in my list of top films, but I don't think I ever want to watch it again. It's too much like real life.

Other films at the top in no particular order:

Run Lola Run
The Seventh Sign
Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Broken Hearts Club
Moulin Rouge
X-Men
Contact
Bagdad Cafe
Big Business

Each one tells something about me. I wonder if you know what it is?

Labels: dose of mikey, linkage, random review

* posted by me at 2:47 AM

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2004-01-19 
 

rinsing off

I do quite a bit of thinking in the shower. Today I thought about:

G dieing. (hey, he has the AIDS, it's not like it's a weird thought to have now and again)
Myself dieing. (after all, I could get hit by a turnip truck tomorrow)
Being cremated vs. buried. (I hate the thought of being underground forever after. Scatter me to the four winds please.)
The fact that I never visit gravesites. (other than my Gramps, but that's because his grave was a way for me to connect to my cousins who would also go and leave little bits behind.)
When I need someone who has passed on from this plane, I just talk to them.
(I'm glad this works for me or else I'd never get to say hi to Lotte, she's buried across the sea on another continent.)
When we die, I imagine that we get to relive all the perfect moments we've had in full, over and over. That's heaven.
G and I have had quite a few perfect moments. Times when you know, even as they're happening, that they'll stay with you forever.
We had a moment last night. Walking out to find some dinner...he put his arm in mine and that was all it took. For whatever reason, that moment will live with me forever. Not as dramatic as the stormy day up at Bodega Bay when we became one with the wind and scrambled over rocks in search of adventure, but a quieter, simpler moment that will always remind me of what we have together.
I think I'd like to get married for real. (damn republicans...and anyone who thinks love should be condemned vs. being celebrated.)
I thought of a lot of other things...old friends who I don't see much anymore. Getting beat up in 10th grade and never telling my parents. Getting a C- instead of an F thanks to some computer error back in 9th grade...and never telling my parents. Wondering how my parents are. Wondering how Dude and Dudette are doing. Does he love her as much as I love G? Yes, I think he does. Deep love doesn't come easily to my family, but when it does we hold on with all the power in our souls.

Then I finished shaving and it was time to turn of the water...and I thought about how I ought to think more.

Labels: dose of mikey, g, looking eastward, spirit, the gay

* posted by me at 6:04 PM

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2004-01-17 
 

difficulty level - 3.5

This not smoking thing is driving me a bit crazy. First off, I did cheat this week on both Tuesday AND Wednesday evening by smoking four whole cigarettes. Then each evening, in an attempt to not cheat anymore, I ate a lot of food.

Thursday, I skipped the cheating, but kept on eating. Between the holidays and this non-smoking kick, there's been a lot of food lately. My waist, which I brought back down to a true 32 early last fall, is expanding again towards those 34 inch pants. Ugh. I'm trying to go for more walks when the nic fit hits, but it's been cold and drizzly and really not a tempting alternative.

Last night I snapped at G for a comment that seemed, at the time, to be trivializing my itchy legs. (a weird side effect I get from withdrawal)

I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.

Back to the weight thing. M had sent along a lovely tape this Christmas that showed little e going from 0 to 4 years old, and unintentially also gave me a chance to see myself go from a loose and toned 31 inch waist to a not so toned, but admittedly happy, 33 inch. (Damn you half sizes!) I know that the reasons for this are twofold.

1. I'm in a happy relationship and not struggling to maintain the 3-4 times a week workout schedule anymore. (ha, try 3-4 times a year)

2. I'm with a a man who loves being in the kitchen. Muffins, banna bread, cookies, hearty stews, homemade fried chicken...yum! If it wasn't for the fact that we live in a city that keeps me walking every once in a while and that I chose to switch over to lighter lunches at work to help balance things out, I'd be well on my way to 35 or 36 inches by now.

I know my heritage and waist size vs. actual weight is a more accurate measure of how chub we're getting. (and I mean REAL waist size...not the waist size UNDER the spare tire) After I kick the smoking thing, and can actually tackle these SF hills again without wheezing, I'm going to try and get back into city hikes. On the other hand, why wait?

Labels: dose of mikey, g

* posted by me at 6:50 PM

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2004-01-14 
 

mailing anastasia

Interesting that you should write me about Spalding Gray. G just mentioned it last night and we got into an odd convo which I heard like this....

G: Did you hear Spalding Gray's missing?
M: Umm....no...he sounds familiar...who is he?
G: You know, the actor swimming to Cambodia
M: From?
G: New York.
M: (disbelieving) He is not!
G: Yes he is, it's in the news!
M: Why would anyone do that?
G: Disappear?
M: Swim all that way!

Yes, I can be a lunkhead sometimes. I never saw STC but I have seen other things he's been in.

ANYway. I'm feeling the winter right now. I'm trying to live in the moment, but find myself obsessing about it in a way that's not very healthy. I'm self diagnosing myself as a minor depressive, but I don't want to get help. I'm afraid of losing myself if I start taking an antidepressant. I just need more sunlight and a nice GnT in my hand. I keep remembering a moment in time from the White Party several years back where I was sipping on some fruity drink and laying in the sun with a bunch of friends, all of us quietly grooving and letting the trailmix do its business.

Where's my Golden Ticket?

In other news:

He rolled over and hugged the pillow to himself, breathing in the light scent of product and sweat that permeated it. In the absence of his lover, it would have to do.

Note: G and I are fine. It's just something that came to me last night as I was computer widowed.

Ruminating on: The importance of siblings. Familial and otherwise.

Hmmm. I think you just helped me write a blog entry. Thanks!

Labels: dose of mikey, g, spirit, writing

* posted by me at 7:28 PM

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2004-01-11 
 

youth, like diamonds in the sun

It's rather early in the morning, and I'm wide awake.

There's something I forgot to say to you all. Something that defines me. It's so hard to get old without a cause.
I don't want to perish like a fading horse

Thirty-four is upon me. Time marches on, yet I embrace it. I hold it close and cherish what it has to tell me. There are more years ahead than what I've left behind. Thirty-three was hard. From the anniversary of my first conciousness to the actual realization of thirty three years on the planet and on through a reitiration of those first months; I struggled throughout it all to retain that which is truly me. I held on tight and never let go...bringing me now to the threshhold of the next challenge.

It comes a bit later than expected, but today I say goodbye to thirty-three. I have months yet to go before society recognizes where I've come this night, but I know I'm already there.

and diamonds are forever

(with special thanks to Alphaville)

Labels: dose of mikey, spirit

* posted by me at 9:20 AM

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2004-01-10 
 

Bramble

We've taken a little mini vacation and are housesitting for Hugs. Photo essay to follow later.

Labels: dose of mikey, local getaway

* posted by me at 2:45 PM

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2004-01-09 
 

hard

This no smoking business is driving me a little crazy. Ended up sneaking one last night when G was out on an errand. He's been pretty cool about keeping his own puffing far away from my physical self and hasn't given me any crap so I didn't want him to see me fritzing.

Speaking of giving me crap; I should repeat my resolution warning of a few days back, this is something of which I do not wish to speak about. Read about it here in the blog and just keep your mouth shut. I will start smoking again just to spite anyone telling me that I'm doing a good thing. Encouragement may be well meant, but it's entirely misplaced. I need to do this for myself, not for you. (After all, I started smoking to give the world the finger and part of this challenge is to find a new fun way to do that. A way that won't pollute my lungs and make health insurance more expensive.)

Labels: dose of mikey, g

* posted by me at 2:34 AM

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2004-01-07 
 

the three c's

C1. Cold. Still lingering, though not bad enough to keep me from work or just generally being out there and living life.

C2. Computer Crash. Decided to stop working late last week for a few days and kept me rather frustrated, though it gave G and I a chance to bond over working in the repair mode that uses fun old school code.

C3. Chartering Civic Chariot. Given that G's 87 Civic wasn't dealing very well with the hills of San Francisco anymore (and a very kind offer from his parents to help out with the intitial funds) we decided to go into the local Honda dealer this past weekend to see what they had to offer. Surprised ourselves by driving away just a day later in a new Civic Hybrid. Still too young to name, but it's a wonderful addition to our little family and we've been making up errands each evening so that we can race around in him. It's a lease, which I had some initial mixed feelings about, but from a financial perspective, it makes the most sense for us right now. Several friends have told me it's the best way to go with a new car, and I'm slowly getting used to the idea that we'll be giving him up in just three years.

Labels: dose of mikey, g

* posted by me at 1:29 AM

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