2005-11-30 
 

pink underwear

I'm wearing pink underwear today. There are two very good reasons for this.

1. I'm secure in my masculinity.

2. I threw the new red t-shirt in with the whites.

Labels: dose of mikey

* posted by me at 12:11 AM

(3) comments



2005-11-25 
 

eating wasabi peas

Had a rather nice, non-traditional day yesterday. Left around 1:30 to head down to Krispy Kreme for the donuts that would become this morning's breakfast. Got a bit lost in Daly City and discovered a Nation's Burgers place. Having never eaten there, decided to give the famous giant burger a try.

Delicious.

Also discovered the site of the last legal duel in California. Daly City is an odd place where subdivisions from the 50s and 60s give way to odd historic markers, suddenly wonderful roads leading up a hillway of churches or around Lake Merritt and suddenly into San Francisco.

Ended up at home in time to be hungry again and make ourselves leftover sandwiches. When shopping earlier this week, we discovered that Whole Foods had all the makings of a traditional feast, so we bought the necessary leftovers ahead of time in order to feast on the food that we were really looking forward to: turkey sandwiches with stuffing, gravy and cranberry sauce.

Delicious.

After sufficient digestion time, we had a variety of little tiny tartletts that melted in our mouths.

Delicious.

So delicious that we felt it only right that we offer up thanks to the universe for allowing us to sit in such comfort and eat tasty tartletts.

Later on, as I got peckish around midnight-thirty, I broke into the wasabi peas.

Delicious...and quite a head clearer.

So we ate a lot, enjoyed each other's company and gave thanks...I guess it was a pretty traditional day after all.

Labels: dose of mikey, g

* posted by me at 7:04 PM

(1) comments



2005-11-22 
 

new cube

I'm going to break my rule about not blogging work stuff and talk about my new cube.

They've moved us all to a remodeled floor that offers views of the windows to just about every employee. Problem is that in order to do this they had to sacrifice the nooks and crannies that made our building interesting. My first reaction yesterday was a bit negative given that I went from a 6 by 8 box to a 6 x 5 box, but after walking through some of the other areas I decided I actually lucked out. Many of my coworkers ended up in a vast field of cubes where the nooks and crannies had been torn out and turned into Dilbertland. My new minicube is at the end of a three cube aisle and right up against the window. I'm in a little outdent in the building so there's only a 3x3 set of cubes in my immediate vicinity and less than 20 in my direct line of site when I groundhog.

I have a view of Coit Tower that's right out of a San Francisco sitcom. I'm on a dead end so there's no traffic. Also, the 6x8 cube across the aisle from me is vacant until they hire the new Insert Job Here person. That could take months. Until then, I'll have a nice little annex to store crap...er I mean important work document thingys.

Hmm...yes. Perhaps I better stop now before I begin to wax poetic about Swingline staplers.

Labels: dose of mikey, sharketing

* posted by me at 10:45 PM

(1) comments



2005-11-20 
 

strange things I believe

throwing a muni pass away before it expires is bad luck

giving a muni pass away before it expires is good luck

looking at a clock at exactly 3:33 a.m. is bad luck

touching a clock 11:11 or 2:22 is good luck

all may yet be very well

Labels: dose of mikey, spirit

* posted by me at 11:27 PM

(1) comments



2005-11-17 
 

urrrrgh

Ever feel unnecessarily crabby and know that you're feeling unnecessarily crabby given that life's going so well, but unable to snap out of it?

That's me today. Watch out.

PS How is it that technology senses a frustrated person and suddenly decides to let the gremlins in? (Blogger just ate the first version of this post.)

Labels: dose of mikey

* posted by me at 9:12 PM

(0) comments



2005-11-12 
 

code talking

Earlier today I said the following to G:

Next time you Rainbow, grab more porn star powder.

(Roughly translated, this means that we need more Bon Ami scouring powder from Rainbow Grocery.)

Speaking in code is fun.

Labels: dose of mikey, g

* posted by me at 10:02 PM

(0) comments



2005-11-11 
 

glad to be me

If I had it all to do over again, I'd like to try and stop hating myself a bit earlier in life.

Surrounded by people who loved me during my youth, yet feeling that I was an aberration...that I was somehow supposed to have been above it all and failed miserably, kept me wavering between hopeless despair and intense self hatred.

Maybe this is normal, but I tend to think not.

Sometime in 4th grade I accepted Mr. JC as my lord, mostly in hopes that he'd save me. In many ways he did, but like any good god, he knew that letting me find my own way was worth more in the long run than a wave from his magic wand.

I'd fall asleep praying to him, "please let the apocalypse come...life is too hard...let it all end now...please let tomorrow be the last day." For many years, these were often my last waking thoughts, but he never answered that particular prayer.

There was a little group of druggy types in junior high who called me Smiley because...well I was always smiling. I'd learned that keeping that fake smile pasted on did one of two things. It either scared people into leaving you alone or convinced them you were okay and needed no further attention. The druggy types just thought I'd found some really good weed.

I made a feeble attempt at suicide at age 13 by downing a bottle of aspirin and various other low level medications I found at home....hoping they'd combine forces and do me in. My naivete is almost laughable in retrospect, but I'm thankful today that my parents didn't have anything harder biding it's time in the medicine chest. I suffered nothing worse than a few hours of throwing up and an extreme dizziness. It even got me out of school the next day, but I spent several years hating myself for being such a total wimp because I hadn't even had the guts to kill myself properly.

My epiphany that God loved me because of who I was instead of in spite of it came at age 16, shortly after I'd decided that falsely following rules I didn't believe in would only result in hurting those around me, and myself, more than rebelling against those same rules.

I stayed pretty quiet about it all at first, but over the course of several years I learned to allow myself to be happy without feeling guilt and started to pass that message on to friends who needed to hear it. A decade later I fully surrendered to the power of the universe around me and finally forgave myself for being alive in a messy world. It was that day that I felt myself cradled in God's hands and knew that everything was going to be okay.

I thought the point I was making was this:

How great would it be to feel that way earlier in life instead of waiting until I was in my late 20s? How much further could I have gone had I chosen to change my mind as a child instead of as a teenager? What if I'd moved faster and given in to joy in college?

The truth is that I think I needed to remember this journey I'd taken. I still stumble across old recordings now and again. Looped admonitions that I'm worthless and a failed person, but they're harder to hear and easier to erase than in my youth. That being said, I've been so busy these past few years that I'm in danger of forgetting that life's a continuous journey.

Changing my mind, and deciding to love myself was one of the hardest and most powerful things I've done in this life. I need to remember that. The choices I'm faced with these days sometimes seem insurmountable, but I've already made the toughest choice of all.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane, spirit

* posted by me at 3:12 AM

(0) comments



2005-11-09 
 

getting better

Work is still crazy busy and Tuesdays remain at the bottom of my favorite day list, but today was a vast improvement over last week.

Spent many hours this weekend doing things that I love.

Reading.
Writing.
Spending time with G.

Sad to say, that overly 80s Loverboy refrain runs through my head more than I care to admit these days. I really am working for the weekend. So embarrassingly mundane of me.

Labels: dose of mikey, g, sharketing

* posted by me at 1:05 AM

(0) comments



2005-11-04 
 

shitty tuesday

Yes, I know it's Friday, but it's been a rough week, okay?

Let me start by saying Tuesday is already my least favorite day of the week. True, Mondays can be rough, but generally you've geared yourself up to face them. Tuesdays, so far from the respite of next weekend, sneak up and sucker punch you when you least expect it.

The day started out with a canker sore on my tongue the size of Rhode Island. Now, I'm old enough and smart enough to know that the best way to get rid of it quickly is to keep the teeth clean and LEAVE IT ALONE. Unfortunately, my tongue has a mind of it's own and often sneaks over to visit the bicuspids before I have a chance to intervene.

So, I'm suffering through the day wishing that I could just sip on a martini. (which is one of the best ways to keep Mr. Tongue occupied in these situations.) Then I'm forced to endure the worst day of work I've had in my current company. It's been over 6 years now, so that's pretty bad. In fact, I have to say it's one of the worst days I've had since the two years of hell that were Junior High.

I can't go into specifics, but it involved someone telling me I was doing a bad job and forced me into a situation where I had to step into the middle of a firing range where everyone was shooting at everyone else. I hate being misunderstood, and I really dislike conflict. I'm the sort of person who still wonders why we can't all just get along. In fact, the older I get, the more cranky I get about it.

I came home after this very bad day and things got better, G gave me a big hug and handed me a glass of wine. (almost as good as a martini) I proceeded to get stunningly drunk. Not the healthiest response perhaps, but it worked for me in that particular moment.

Went into work on Wednesday and confronted several of the parties involved. Apologies came forth, as did praise for my calm demeanor during a trying situation. I was also reassured that my work was, as always, consistently above and beyond what was expected. The week continued to be trying and my dental appointment yesterday left me feeling as if the doctor had punched me in the jaw, but it's the weekend and somehow that makes everything feel that all may yet be very well.

I'm always amazed with my very human ability to forget the intensity of both emotional and physical pain with the passage of time. (Though emotional pain does tend to linger in little forgotten pools that I'll step into by mistake now and again.)

Labels: dose of mikey, sharketing

* posted by me at 6:22 PM

(0) comments