2006-08-26 
 

hangover helper

I recently posted this elsewhere, but wanted to have it somewhere I could find it later. Ah, the wonder of blog.

To experience the hangover of the happy drunk without alcohol consumption:

Drink no water or other liquid for an entire day (or two depending on body size)

Set your alarm for two hours earlier than normal, ensuring less than 4 hours total sleep. Stay up late watching silly television or reading a trash novel or basically doing the one thing you don't normally let yourself do because it's a "time waster."

Before falling asleep, insert several stretched out cotton balls across teeth and get the eye dilator ready by bedside.

Upon awakening, drop eye dilation drops in and immediately say, "I SWEAR, I will never do that again."

Walk around wondering how everyone can stand so much light in the world.

Several hours later, eyes readjust, headache dissipates, and you truly awaken to the day. You'll start to remember how fun it was to escape into whatever treat you allowed yourself.

Kinda like childbirth, (or so I'm told) the pain passes more quickly than the memories. Mind you, do this on the night before any important event (like a work day) and it'll be much less tempting to repeat.

To experience the angry drunk, just take the additional step of calling several close friends just before bed and screaming out that you've always pitied them and only keep them around for cheap laughs. Slam phone down and then unplug.

Chatty drunk does similar thing only says wonderfully complementary things and sometimes divulges interesting secrets. (being an East Coast transplant to SF, I used to get quite a few of these from old friends since in their mind it was SAFE to call three hours into the past)

The slutty drunk isn't one I can currently give you directions for. I bobbled between happy and slutty myself for many a year, but I believe you have to be a bit of a slut to begin with. (and if you don't own the sluttiness, you'll be a sad puppy the next morning as you try to remember what you did)

Labels: dose of mikey

* posted by me at 2:30 AM

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