2008-02-26 
 

time unravels

Went to visit Gram yesterday with G and Dude and found her much better physically than she's been since before the hospital. Her mind is still not quite connected to our time. She knows who we are, but not exactly where she is. There are moments of clarity, but then during a walk down the hallway we'll be confronted with one of the alarmed doors that keeps the patients from wandering off and she'll be surprised. "Now where did that one come from?"

She'll lose track of the date and the month as if time had stopped marching in an orderly line and lay jumbled at her feet letting her go wherever she wanted. Confusing for me, but intriguing at the same time.

It may be that I'm still struggling with the idea of her failing at all, but I'm not sure if she really belongs on the wing for severe cases. While she was incredibly muddled when they first admitted her due to a mix up with her medications, she's calm and relatively easy to be with now. Unlike the man down the hall, she isn't dropping her pants and demanding graham crackers. (When confronted with the fact that he'd dropped his pants, he shouted, "If you don't advertise, you don't get any customers!" I had to laugh.)

So, Gram's fuzzy on where and when she is, but I'm wondering just how blurred things are for her. A woman down the hall keeps shouting, "I wanna get outta here! I don't know where I am!" At one point as we were talking, Gram turned and tried to find the source of the voice. She smiled a bit and commented to me, "Maybe it's better if you don't know where you are."

This could've been a general comment on her own state of mind, or a rueful wish that she didn't know where she was either. I'm not sure which I want more for her right now.

Labels: dose of mikey, spirit

* posted by me at 7:11 PM

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