2010-01-20 
 

love and breakfast cereal

Going back and tagging really old entries is...interesting. Some were, and still are, beautiful. Some were badly written and rather difficult to read because of that fact. And some were pure navel gazing, interesting to no one but my self in retrospect.

Well, until I become famous. When you're famous, suddenly what you ate for breakfast and other mundane details become interesting to the masses. So there's still hope!

Labels: blogging, memory lane, writing

* posted by me at 9:34 PM

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2009-07-01 
 

paper works

You find some odd things after moving. I've been slowly going through files and recycling bags full of paper, but had to stop when I found my handwritten will from midnight, August 28th of 1991.

Some things stayed the same. Jackie can still have her copy of Bob Geldof's autobiography back. Even though I lost touch with her during the intervening years, we're back in touch thanks to FB. I wonder if she knows I still have it. Ummm...I wonder if I could find it if she asked me? I'm picturing it sitting on a shelf in my old bedroom back in Weymouth but...

Some things shifted. Mark can still use some money to go skydiving should he so choose, but not because I never got to try it. Tried it and loved it!

Some things changed. Valri, we lost touch and the leather jacket will go to someone else.

The closing statement could be written in stone because it's as true today as it was back then:

I would like to be cremated (only after I'm most definitely dead) and have my ashes scattered someplace tranquil with a good view of the stars.

I most definitely NEVER want to be a living vegetable. You have my okay to pull the plug if my brain's not working anymore.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane

* posted by me at 11:20 PM

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2008-12-31 
 

year end meme

Who am I to ignore a meme? The year in review via the first words I wrote on LAOD each month.

January: Spent a good part of my day continuing the search for the paper.

February: G and I have been having a pretty wonderful time playing house this week, but reading TNTP's blog the other day did make me long for San Francisco.

March: Sorry for the bad pun of a title, but my body feels like a wet noodle right now.

April: I'm back!

May: A good friend of mine is directing a play in New York called F*ck Me, B*eat Me, L*ve Me, but given the difficulty of pronouncing an asterisk in normal conversation, he also refers to it as the dirty gay play.

June: Gram had a psychotic episode this morning.

July: Dude inspired me to start exercising again.

August: I'm glad to be living in a state that's willing to recognize and repeal a discriminatory law.

September: Spent most of today getting the house cleaned up for the aunties who arrive in about 15 minutes.

October: We are all, always, revising our own personal history.

November: Don't believe the polls.

December: Milk, it does the body good. (and the brain and the heart.)

Labels: dose of mikey, memes, memory lane

* posted by me at 5:21 PM

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2008-10-13 
 

thank heaven

Eight years ago, under the light of a full moon, I met G for the very first time. Okay, I followed him into a 7-11 because I thought he was CUTE. I maneuvered myself into line behind him and struck up a conversation. Within 24 hours I was diving head first into love.

Thank heaven for 7-11!

Labels: g, memory lane

* posted by me at 5:32 PM

(1) comments



2008-09-23 
 

smoking weapons

That's what the sign said:

NO
DRUGS
SMOKING
WEAPONS

But it was the "smoking weapons" that tickled me. So close to smoking gun and so appropriate for where I was. Some of my more formative years were spent in the building next to that sign.

Before I get to the building, let me step back. Stress has been sneaking into my life now and again. The idiot who coined the phrase money can't buy happiness, obviously had some. I'm not looking for happy, I'm just looking for enough to get to content again. Yes, so stress happens and going for a walk sometimes helps. This evening the walk took me past a trio of former schools. I didn't stop to examine the elementary school very closely, other than to note that they'd put up green awnings that almost looked horrible, but somehow succeeded in making the school look even more charming. Of course, any view my eyes see of that school is shaded with golden glasses, so my opinion may be skewed a bit.

Then came the school that no amount of gold tint could improve. The fortress that was East Junior High. They've since given it a new and more romantically historical name, but it'll always be East to me. East as in the witch Dorothy still had to conquer. What fun we had ensuring that at least one teacher every year was saddled with that moniker! Wicked Witch of East Junior High. Well, I pretended to have fun, the honest truth is that the two years I spent within its bricked up walls were the worst I've lived through. I felt trapped inside that fortress. This isn't just imagination on my part, it was actually built to look like one. The auditorium has windows like arrow slits, and there's rarely any good expanse of plate glass windows that you'd normally expect to find in a school. There's even mini battlements along the roof line. I remember writing a story as a teenager about a world where all the adults had died from some horrid disease. The school became a center of a new culture because it was so easy to defend. I know, it's been done since - and probably before too - but at the time I thought it was a thoroughly original idea. It remained buried in my memories until just an hour ago as I looked up at those tiny battlements.


So instead of walking on, I went right up through the parking lot and really examined it. The steps up to the auditoriums' emergency exit where the kids would be smoking before school, and those who wanted could buy pot or other things. I hadn't thought about it for years, but I remember now making sure that I timed my arrival just right so that the parking lot would be pretty much full and everyone already engaged in conversation. Full enough so that my walk through it would end close to the bottom of those steps when the first bell rang. Steps I was desperately wanting to climb, but always too afraid. Every day I thought of climbing up them and surprising those kids by asking for a cigarette, but fear of the unknown always got the best of me. Well, that and a fear of getting the piss beat out of me. The other advantage of timing it that way was that it left me within 20 feet of the door that was being unlocked by the unlucky teacher who drew the short straw for that day and far ahead of the crunch. I could usually get up to my locker and be sitting in homeroom reading a book before most anyone else had made it up the first set of stairs.

Then there were the quaint looking buildings next door to the school that were rumored to hold the juvie kids. Buildings that looked as if they'd been lifted out of some European village from the 17th century, and oddly appropriate next to the castle of a school next door. I heard happy shouts coming from within those buildings today and something about them made me wish I hadn't been so scared all the time when I was in junior high. Not that I advocate climbing up the steps for a joint when you're in 7th grade, but maybe stay in the parking lot for a while after the first bell. I wonder who I'd be now if I'd done that? Then again, given my knowledge of where I did go after learning to leave fear behind, it may have led me up those steps too early. Maybe a little fear of the big bad world is a good thing for a thirteen year old.

Okay, I realize I set you up for a third school, but I really was still too busy thinking about Junior High to note much about it as I walked by. Maybe next time. Unless the lotto number hits, I'm pretty sure I'm due for another walk in the near future.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane

* posted by me at 6:30 PM

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2008-03-05 
 

a visit to the vineyard

Saw Gram today for the first time since last week. She seems pretty much the same as when I saw her last. Not sure if that means she's reached her baseline or not. Still not sure where it was too be honest, but ever since the doctors kept asking in the hospital, I've been watching closely to try and figure out just where it is for her now.

Today I brought by a coffee table book filled with pictures of New England. We flipped through it together and she seemed pretty happy to look at the pictures and read the blurbs...although she often has trouble getting from one line to the next and figuring out which picture is being referenced. On one page there's a few pictures of Martha's Vineyard. I asked if she'd ever been and found out that she, Jan and Jan's daughter had gone for a girls weekend away recently. (Well, in her mind it was recent, in reality though it would be a few decades back when Jan was still alive.) We flipped the page and shhe pointed to a picture in the book and said they finally found a place to stay in one of those houses. (It was a Nantucket scene this time, but they probably do look similar.) The others got to go out shopping, but Gram stayed in the room since she had a cold. The next day they took the ferry back to Falmouth and the husbands picked them up.

That's all. There's no great meaning in this tale, just a random memory that popped up today that I don't want to forget hearing about. It's cliche to say, but it bears repeating: I never asked enough questions of her back when she had the ability to give me more detailed answers.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane

* posted by me at 4:36 PM

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2007-12-27 
 

penguin poetry

Christmas was crazy hectic and rather wonderful all at the same time. More on that at a later date.

Today, if you dare, experience something I found up in the attic in a box full of flotsam and jetsam from my teenage years that I've been trying to clean up. I'm pretty sure given the strata that I found this particular piece that I would've been about 16 or 17.

A good friend calls similar ramblings that he's found in his own archives bad teenage poetry. I'm pretty sure this fits into that category, but it makes me realize that I have little memory of exactly where my head was at during this point in my life.

I look as the haze of summer rises off of the sea;
the waves ripple onto the steaming sand.

A boat full of penguins lands at the wharf,
they waddle to the beach and play in the hot white sand.

The king penguin lets forth a roar,
and a great whale comes and spouts a geyser of snow.

I look as the arctic wasteland forms around me.
The penguins play in the snow as icy water ripples into nowhere.

Was this a metaphor for my life at the time, or was I simply dreaming of air conditioning on a super hot day? More importantly, did you need to read that? Probably not, but now I can safely discard the decades old pink napkin that I originally wrote it on. (And that does tell you something about where my head is at these days.)

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane, writing

* posted by me at 10:11 AM

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2007-10-26 
 

object at rest

For those of you keeping tabs, we've arrived at our destination. Popped in to Walton and said hello to Mom and Dad last night and then zipped over to hang out with Dude and Dudette.

Yes, I cried upon reaching the driveway. Sort of appropriate since I cried pulling out of it 12 years ago. Not from sadness so much on either occasion, but from the knowledge that a chapter had ended and a new one was about to begin. That and I'm a sucker for the bittersweet. Appropriately enough, it was Verve's Bittersweet Symphony that accompanied us into Weymouth.

It all feels surreal.

Labels: cross country, dose of mikey, memory lane

* posted by me at 10:08 PM

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2007-10-17 
 

criss crossing the continental divide

Started out yesterday driving through Grand Teton National Monument and then Yellowstone. Over the course of the day we crossed the continental divide numerous times.

I remember driving to California over a decade ago and crossing the divide in Colorado. It seemed a momentous occasion to me back then. This time it became ordinary to see the markers noting the divide, but the scenery remained anything but. Mountains' majesty indeed.

The one thing I will say is that Old Faithful's over rated. The fact that the rest of Yellowstone is under rated easily makes up for this fact, but if you're ever there and find that you've just missed the eruption? Drive on and enjoy the surreal sulphur plains upon which bison graze. Waiting 90 minutes for the next eruption was a bit dissapointing. (especially in the cold)

Left Yellowtone for Lincoln at 4:30 and found ourselves at U. Bob's doorstep about six hours later. A long drive, but worth it for the warm hospitality we found waiting for us there. More on that tomorrow.

Labels: cross country, dose of mikey, g, memory lane

* posted by me at 10:07 PM

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2007-09-14 
 

100 things

It seems that no blog is complete without one of these lists laying around somewhere. I'm going to be kind and give it a page of it's own so that you can feel free to ignore it if you wish. Also, please note that the page this links to has been available since March. I just now realized that the entry announcing it never got published. That said it, I reread it today and it's still all true.

RANDOM LIST OF 100 THINGS YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT ME

Labels: blogging, dose of mikey, g, memes, memory lane, random review, rant, reading, san francisco, sharketing, shout out, spirit

* posted by me at 8:18 PM

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2007-07-28 
 

ever after

G and I attended a performance of Into The Woods the other night at CTA Crossroads Theatre in Walnut Creek. It's small venue in the suburbs and, I have to admit, my expectations weren't that high. That said, they really put on a good show. I've absorbed enough theater from various friends that I could go hypercritical on certain things, but I truly enjoyed myself too much to do that.

Grant you, I've always had a soft spot for this particular musical...and not just because I ended up sleeping with one of the princes after the first time I saw it in my early twenties.

Retro apologies to POC, with whom I was supposed to be visiting at the time...and gratitude too him too for not kicking me to the curb for being such a selfish prig. Would it help all 8 of my loyal readers to know that the gentleman playing the prince also played the part of the wolf? I mean, how could I resist? And he made me feel excited- Well, excited and scared. Point is that POC is one of my best friends and I haven't heard from the prince in well over a decade.

Into the Woods also accompanied me on my cross country odyssey and hearing songs from it usually fills my head with images of wide flat plains, Santa Fe, the Colorado Rockies and a certain corner of the Grand Canyon.

But I digress...back to the performance. I was very impressed by some of the actors. The Baker, in particular, sang beautifully and managed to look so sad towards the end that I wanted to jump up and give him a reassuring hug. (Yes, we were that close to the stage. Due a severe back up at the Caldecott Tunnel that added TWO HOURS to the normal 30 minute drive we were ushered in through the backstage area and into the front row. Only missed half of the first number and were rewarded with the ability to see the entire cast up close and personal.)

I also have to give a thumbs up to the witch. While I caught one or two of the other actors mimicking the intonation and/or actions that I know so well from the American Playhouse DVD version, the witch made that part her own. In my mind, no one will ever top Bernadette Peters' iteration, but very interesting to see a different take on it.

To sum up...I'd forgotten how much I love live theater. Between Into the Woods and last weeks' treat viewing of Kiki and Herb, my new goal is to see much more of it. Avenue Q will be in SF over the next few weeks and I'm going to try to coax G to see that one next.

Labels: dose of mikey, g, looking eastward, memory lane, random review, san francisco

* posted by me at 11:28 PM

(5) comments



2007-07-24 
 

riding into the future

Ended up in Hayward today for work. Once finished, I had a choice. Retrace my route back home via 880 and face the stress and delays that trucks and tractor trailers visit upon that stretch or reverse commute over the San Mateo bridge. I chose the later.

I rarely take this particular bridge and had forgotten that the first 5 miles of the 7 mile span are quite low to the water with only a three foot barrier between myself and the bay. Like you're riding on the water.

Sometime during my early teens, before I even had a license, I had a reoccurring dream that I was driving across a vast expanse of water on just such a road with the only difference being that the dream bridge was even lower to the water and had no barrier. The dream never frightened me, but I would wake up exhilarated and with the knowledge that the future held endless possibilities.

Traffic was super light today on that westward expanse, so I turned off the radio and let the rhythmic hum of tires on reinforced concrete take me into the future.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane, san francisco, spirit

* posted by me at 11:05 PM

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2007-07-02 
 

another fine tale

I received my first birthday gift this year about a week before my birthday from TNTP: a signed copy of Armistead Maupin's Michael Tolliver Lives. The inscription reads, "Happy Birthday Mikey!" (So very cool.)

Now, I know this will sound typical, but Maupin's Tales of the City books are a big part of why I ended up in San Francisco. I'd always felt a pull towards Northern California, but usually pictured myself at Berkeley. After reading the series, there was no doubt in my mind that I'd end up in San Francisco instead.

I've reread the original books several times each, yet always felt a bit unsatisfied upon finishing them. Mostly this is due to the fact that the final book of the original six, Sure of You, always left me feeling flat, as if there was a chapter or two left untold. Michael Tolliver Lives more than makes up for it, and I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoyed the original run. It takes place almost 15 years after Sure of You, but catches us up on important events that happened in the time between 1987 and today.

While I'm the sort of person who could have easily read this in one sitting, I forced myself to put it down on several occasions because it turned out to be exactly what I needed to be reading after the long interval. I wanted to savor each new piece of the story and live with it for a while before moving forward. Rather hard for me to do, but very worth it in the long run. I can close my eyes and see the characters again, a little more aged but no less loved.

And…that's all you'll get from me. Don't want to spoil anything

I would recommend reading at least one or two of the originals first if you haven't already discovered them. While I loved this addition and am now inspired to run through them all again myself at some point in the near future, I really can't judge how well it stands up on its own. I've lived here in SF too long and imagined interacting with the characters too often to really know if there's enough exposition in this latest edition to yank someone unfamiliar with the rest of the series into the book. (I believe there is, but –as you may've noticed– I'm a bit biased on this point.)

Either way, I say, "Go forth and read!"

I would like to add one quick note to the publishers. The correct spelling is Duboce Park….with a "C" not an "S". A minor distraction, but rather glaring to someone who lives in the Triangle himself.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane, random review, san francisco

* posted by me at 9:52 PM

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2007-06-09 
 

nostalgic deja vu

Stumbled upon the website for Future Loop Foundation which is currently featuring the upcoming album Memories From a Fading Room.

While I've never encountered anything quite like this, it seemed almost too familiar to be brand new. Maybe I've just been a bit more nostalgic lately than in the past and this whole concept resonated especially strongly for me...or maybe I just wished I'd thought of the idea first.

Mark Barrot has taken family recordings/interviews from the 70's and paired them up with ambient music. Pairing this with old 8mnm family videos edited to the music makes for a rather brilliant experience. Of course, if ambient music makes you itch, I'd give this one a miss. Otherwise, check it out. the sea and the sky

Labels: linkage, looking eastward, memory lane, moving pictures, random review

* posted by me at 4:47 PM

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2007-03-27 
 

cloudbusting

I saw my first robins of spring this evening on my way home from work. They were hopping along in the grass at Park. It's the first time I remember noticing robins here in SF.

As a child, I thought them to be a sign of good luck and good things to come. I suspect a connection between the time of their appearance on New England lawns and the end of the school year which was now near enough to start anticipating. Whatever it was, I got the warm fuzzies tonight all over again.

Kate Bush, singing in my head:

I just know that something good is going to happen.

Labels: dose of mikey, looking eastward, memory lane, san francisco

* posted by me at 10:59 PM

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2007-02-27 
 

panoply is the new plethora


I remember the first times I encountered plethora. It sounded cultured and exotic to my preteen mind. Soon after, I made an attempt to use it in the Tallahassee game and was rewarded with attention from my playmates. At least, that's what I remember. It may be getting twisted up with my memory of us using the word dolt in a way that really pointed to the fact that I could be a pretentious prig when I wanted to be.

To digress for a moment: The Tallahassee Game originated as The Town Game, a game in which we all basically pretended to be adults with fun jobs and homes. I, of course, owned a boutique hotel AND an interior decorating business. The "hotel" was in actuality a tree that gave me pretty conistent bumps and bruises. (In case you aren't aware, it's rather difficult to climb a tree while carrying an elaborate binder filled with swatches and paint chips. Stereotype, party of one, your table is ready!)

At some point, we realized that the name Town Game lacked oomph, thus the rechristening. Tallahassee was a name that sounded, to our young New England minds, like a wonderful and magical place where the sun always shone and everything was exciting. Besides, Tallahassee rolls off the tongue in a fun way. Hmmm...a bit like plethora does actually. (Managed to come full circle on that one, didn't I?)

As years passed, plethora seemed to pop up everywhere, and suddenly EVERYone was using it. It's no longer exotic, but I still do love it so.

So, what's that got to do with panoply? Seems that lately, it's been sneaking into my life more and more. Popping up in books, news articles and even on television. Not in the more common impressive display sense that I'm used to, but in the protective cover/suit of armor sense that I actually had to look up.

You wait and see, there'll soon be a plethora of folk using panoply.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane

* posted by me at 10:07 PM

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2006-12-19 
 

2006...briefly

Got this little meme from peace of cake: Post the first sentence from the first post from every month of 2006. Thought it was a fitting thing to steal since February's first sentence was about him.

January: Only it's not my hands feeling balloonish, it's my head.

February: I met Brian in college.

March: When you let all the air out of a balloon, it seems to loose its beauty.

April: In a surprise announcement today, the Bush administration admitted that the past six years have been all about pushing personal agendas and not at all about the will of the American people.

May: Trabby pointed me over to this Monopoly site where you can vote on updated properties.

June: Spent most of this week doing some minor copy writing at work and some pretty major document creation/manipulation.

July: Well, vacation's officially over as I'm back at work as of today.

August: Dust.

September: I'm tired of being a renter.

October: Decided to venture out into the 33rd annual Castro Street Fair.

November: The title for the day references the odd movements my legs have been making this eve, not the Disney Halloween Movie that aired the other night starring Tia and Tamera.

December: LED Christmas lights are a bit like Lite Brite in 3D.

Labels: memes, memory lane

* posted by me at 3:31 PM

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2006-12-07 
 

a visit from nikolaus

As a child, one of my favorite parts of the Christmas season was December 6th when Nikolaus would come to visit, a tradition my mother kept alive for us after we came to the States.

For the most part, my memories are vague and hazy. I do seem to recall one day in particular as my favorite, but truth may be that it's an amalgam of several years that I've crafted into a neatly tied bow. That happens quite often around Christmastime.

A cold night, with snow falling. Dad ran out to pick up something at the market before the snow would keep us trapped inside, and a short while later, there came a knock on the front door and the jingle of bells.

A knock on the front door was always a bit surreal to me. No one ever knocked there except for Amway reps and other odd folk who didn't realize that the proper entrance to our home was at the side. I usually avoided knocks at the front door and let Mom bear the brunt of the sales pitch, but the jingle of bells and knowledge of the day had me bold enough to go see who it was. Oh okay, bold enough to drag my little brother along to open it with me...with Mommy close behind.

There he was, wrapped up in a warm woolen coat and wearing a knit cap over his white hair. Leave the artificially bright red to Santa. Nikolaus was the real deal, clothed in shades of wintry grey and brown. His sack wasn't trimmed with fluffy fur either, but made of rough burlap that made the presents inside seem even more special. In fact, the only fluffy thing about him was his beard. I remember running my hand over it and being amazed at the softness.

He carried an impressive walking stick and spoke to us in a jovial, but gruff voice. We'd get various candies and Christmas oranges, that I now know to call mandarins. There was a new game for us to play and some small toys. We sang a song or two around the advent wreath with Mom playing along on the guitar and, of course, we fed him cookies and cocoa. I felt warm and safe.

Then he had to go. I asked if he could wait a bit and meet Dad, but he had other children to visit still and traveling through the newly fallen snow took time.

Even for a child, it's pretty easy to tell when a hug comes from a sense of obligation or a place of love. When Nikolaus gathered my brother and I up for our goodbye, I knew it was real, and it made me sadder that he had to leave. But leave he did and not more than five minutes later, Dad got back with the milk he'd gone to pick up. How did they keep missing each other? We ran up to tell him all about the visit and he gave us both a big hug and smiled over at Mom.

That was the day I realized my dad gave hugs just as good as Nikolaus.

Labels: memory lane

* posted by me at 2:09 AM

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2006-09-13 
 

Alden’s recent post got me thinking.

While I never hid my true name on this site, I have recently created an alternate account where I can just write what I feel without the fear of worrying folks because writers sometimes like to EXAGERATE to EXORCISE their demons. Since this site has a tendency to be a bit of an open letter to everyone in my life, I’m overly cautious how I state things. Good training for myself as a writer, but not always as cathartic as I’d like.

Random example: I keep (and would like to continue) this site at a PG-13 level. Elsewhere, I can go to R and not fret. (Yes, sometimes typing in a few of George Carlin’s unacceptable words is fun.)

Aside from the above, I also took a little trip down memory lane.

Years ago, a good friend and I read the original Griffin and Sabine book and became obsessed with the idea that it’s easier to express true feelings to a total stranger than with the closest of friends. Having no internet at the time, (1992) we began exchanging postcards and letters under assumed names that spoke dramatically and poetically about our current plights. Being vaguely anonymous, we allowed ourselves to go over the edge about our middle class traumas in a way that would’ve felt selfish had we done it under the guise of our real names. We exorcised demons that may’ve stunted our growth otherwise.

While I’m not so brave as to connect his name to mine here, I will confess that he will always exist within me; and that I still find comfort in expressing my words through him when life deals me a low hand.

Labels: blogging, memory lane

* posted by me at 9:09 PM

(1) comments



2006-08-22 
 

fresh breath is a priority in my life

A recent post by Simon recently inspired me to give directions to him in the comments section on how to experience a hangover without actually consuming alcohol.

He also mentioned that he had "never smoked anything, been stoned, gotten pierced, inked, or played tiddlywinks with a stranger's tonsils on the back room couch."
Since I've done all of them, I wondered if I could explain them too. (If you have no interest, I suggest you turn back now.)

What I realize is that while I could describe a general feeling of those things, like the hangover, it'd never come close to the exact thing beyond a retelling of my own personal perceptions or a tongue in cheek comparison to something very different. I own that this makes me happy to have experienced them directly myself. Sure, there's some things I really don't want to ever experience, and some I have that I'd gladly erase from memory. (Hemorrhoids being a prime example.)

I respect the right of others to avoid this particular list below, but they all made my life a little more interesting and I'm glad I got the chance. (Please note my use of the word interesting vs. pleasant when you read the last one. How's that for foreshadowing?)

Stoned: Find adult size Sit N' Spin. Spin, spin, spin. Spin some more. Fall off laughing. Discuss similarities between Wizard of Oz and current government with either a close friend and/or relative stranger who's also just fallen off a nearby Sit N' Spin. Eventually lose track of conversation. Suddenly remember Sit N' Spin. Repeat.

Piercing: Honestly, quite painless. Really is just a pinch. But the pop when the needle punches through your ear is rather satisfying, like when you pop a zit and all the yuck comes out. (and don't tell me you never experienced that, then I can't help you) The worst part about the ear piercing is the alcohol swab you have to self inflict for quite some time after to avoid ears from swelling to gargantuan proportions.

Tattoo: Honestly, not very painless. Pinch, pinch, pinch, pinch, pinch. PINCH. And then more pinches. Like the arm sunburns we used to give each other as kids, but it lasts about an hour...or longer I guess depending on size of tattoo. I remember reminding myself that pain was a sensation the body felt like any other and that we had naturally trained responses to it. After a while I was able to pretty much enjoy it in an odd way. The same way you can enjoy the burn at the gym. You know something good'll come from it.

Back Couch: Actually, while there were several quite pleasant experiences I've had, what just came to mind was the New Year's I spent at Chaps in Boston. (the old Chaps, for those of you old enough to know the difference) Just before midnight, I'd chowed on a piece of too sweet cake and as the clock struck, downed my bubbly. Suddenly this totally gorgeous guy with perfectly tousled hair, no shirt (and his body should NEVER see the evil cover of a shirt) pulled me down next to him in the "lounge".

I was giddy with excitement when he told me he'd been watching me and thought I was the cutest guy there. (even in my tipsy state, I realized this was purely a line inspired by his own level of inebriation, but hey...did I mention he was HOT?) We proceeded to greet the New Year in the traditional way. Unfortunately, as his tongue probed ever more deeply into my mouth, I began to realize that he had very recently vomited. The sweetness of the cake I'd eaten had tried to defeat it at first, but soon gave up and tagged the remnants of champagne which had even less luck. As soon as this unfortunate taste fight was over, and before I began to gag, I extracted myself and exited stage left.

I admit, most of my experiences on various back couches have been fun, but that's the experience that taught me to be a bit more cautious before diving onto the couch. Besides, tragedy is often funnier than comedy. Even if it is a bit gross.

Which brings me to the moral of today's disjointed entry. Every single man should carry with him always: condoms and a full Listerine PocketPak. You never know when either of them could turn tragedy into comedy again.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane

* posted by me at 2:38 AM

(0) comments



2006-08-05 
 

secrets under the bed

Dust. More Dust. We're moving the bedroom around for the first time since moving in three years ago. I've managed to consolidate several shoeboxes that have hidden under the bed for quite some time. One held hundreds of slips of paper; each one a random thought I had jotted down. It's fun to try to figure out what I was thinking.

Sometimes it's a vauge statment:
The world is now full of madness as the ancients forsaw. (1996)

Sometimes it's personal:
I often wonder, would my death bring a sigh of regret or one of relief? Then I realize that I really don't care, as long as there's a sigh, and not a shrug of indifference. (November 22, 1994)

Sometimes it's a cool title, or an idea...or both:
SURVIVING ATLANTIS - San Francisco almost completely sinks into the sea after the big quake and this is the tale of a rag tag batch of survivors who make it back to civilization. (Comdedy/Action-Adventure with a Gilliganesque type of cast - A Drag Queen, Lesbians Two, A Gym Rat and His Husband, A Computer Geek, The Republican and Mary Ann...etc.) (1998)

Sure, there's been earthquake movies before, but have they been funny? (Well, to be clear, have they been intentionally funny?) Besides, that title kicks ass.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane

* posted by me at 11:40 PM

(0) comments



2006-07-26 
 

lunch table

When I was in 7th grade, I sat at a lunch table down at the far end of the cafeteria. Large windows looked out onto a small patch of grass where the side yard of the school met a peaceful, tree-lined street just beyond the grounds.

There were only a few other kids who made the trek down to that particular spot, and for the most part, we left each other alone with several empty chairs acting as an invisible safety barrier between ourselves. Maybe the authorities sat us alphabetically at the start of the year, and we were the few who stuck to the rules after the first few weeks of school, or maybe we enjoyed the safety of being outside the noisy mix of students towards the front and center of the cafeteria. My memories flicker from one fact to the other, never settling on one idea as the actual truth. Either way, I was quite content to sit in this out-of-the-way spot, an oasis of calm in the middle of the school day.

For a while, Diane sat almost directly across from me. I could remember her last name if I had the energy to search out the junior high face book, but I wouldn't print it here anyway.

She was impossibly pretty that year with shampoo commercial hair and contemporary, but safe outfits that any mother would be proud to have her daughter wear. Miles out of my league.

She sat there without stigma. One of the good girls whose looks, intelligence and charm gave her a free pass into the A crowd whenever she wanted. That being said, for a while she chose to remain diagonally across from me at the lunch table and would sometimes make general comments in my direction.

Sometimes we'd have an actual conversation about classes, but mostly we were silent, reading whatever book we had with us. The thing I remember most clearly was her quizzing me any time she caught me in a deep daydream as I stared at the world outside the window. I never knew quite what to tell her. How to explain that I dreamt about a time after the awful, awkward years I seemed stuck in, when everything would be better than I ever could imagine?

Unfathomable as that future was, I always had faith that everything would get better someday...if only I could continue trudging through the time I faced at the moment.

So here I am, years later, thanking her for being kind to me during my time inside that brick building and letting her know that I suddenly realized I was dreaming about today.

Labels: memory lane

* posted by me at 8:59 PM

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2006-06-11 
 

moth dreams

I've been having some rather odd dreams over the past few days. May be a side effect of the various medications I was given last week, but might also just be because I'm sleeping 10-12 hours a day in an attempt to thwart this cold.

Either way, it's a bit like watching a foreign television station while I sleep. Like something in Dutch or Swiss where, thanks to years of German and French, I can almost make out the meaning. But not quite.

Last night a cloud of friendly moths swirled around me while I walked through a quaint 1950s town full of smiling folks who seemed to think I was quite special due to the moths and gave me various compliments. Rather nice actually, but I woke up wondering if we had any forgotten hamster food hidden in the back of a cupboard somewhere.

See, I used to have hamsters. Well, I should say that I had a succession of hamsters. Sometime around my 13th birthday, Dude convinced Mom that it'd be cool to give me some. So I got two hamsters and the supporting tunnels, cages and water bottles that make them extra fun. They promptly died within a week or two...as pet store hamsters often do. So often in fact, that the store offered a free hamster for any hamster you brought back dead within a two week period. Pretty twisted in a way, but we took them up on it and Dude went back with Mom for a second set.

One of them ended up chewing a hole through its cardboard carrying case, and Dude had to chase it through the South Shore Plaza Sears to recapture it. Thus it was that Houdini and Fluff came into our home. Fluff soon died and was replaced with yet a third and then a forth hamster, but Houdini obviously had the right spirit and lived for a good long time. (Well, in pet store hamster terms - he died sometime early the next year.)

So I had an empty cage and various tunnels and hamster balls with no hamsters to enjoy them. Until a close friend of the family, who had hamsters in her college dorm room, was told that they'd have to go or she'd be kicked out. We had hamsters again. She had named them Shithead 1 and Shithead 2 due to their pentioned for late night excercising. Since I fully expected them to die within a few months, I didn't really bother renaming them though I did shorten it to SH1 and SH2 when refering to them in gentler company.

The Shitheads lasted for more than three years each, quite some time for a hamster. Especially ones purchased in a pet shop. I found out later that they'd been given various non-hamster approved substances during their time in the dorm (mainly beer and pot during various weekend parties) My friend hadn't approved, but sometimes those sorts of decisions get made before one has a chance to stop them. Anyway. I'm convinced that it helped toughen them up and gave them the long lives they enjoyed.

Over the years, I began to see the wisdom in their monikers. Mostly due to the frustration of having to clean up after pets who only wanted to nip at my fingers when removed from the cage. Then we moved across town and it was too much of a jolt for them. The move happened in September and by winter they had both gone to the great Habitrail in the sky.

My relief at no longer having to clean cages aside, I did feel quite sad when they passed over and held appropriately earth friendly ceremonies for each. I washed out the cages and tunnels one last time and everything went up into the attic.

Everything except one forgotten box of hamster feed.

The following spring, we began noticing a couple of moths fluttering about. Always two of them at the same time. I've always had a soft spot for moths and butterflies, and was loath to kill them, but there's a place for everything and fluttering by my nice sweaters gave me good reason to squish them. Thing is, within a day or two, they'd come back. I began to believe that there really was only two moths: John and Emily. I'd squish them on Monday and by Tuesday they'd be back, reincarnated as good as new...and with little need for new names. This circle of squish and rebirth went on for several months, but stopped by fall and I didn't think much about it.

Until the following spring, when John and Emily came back and brought Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice along with them. A thorough search was conducted and the forgotten box was found. When opened, a small cloud of moths swirled out.

Which, to bring this tale full circle, is, I believe, where the image of moths dancing around my head came from. Out of my past and into my subconscious wanderings. The point of this tale, if there really is one, is either that we all have so much stuff that we don't even know exactly what we have. Or....use tupperware when storing hamster food.

This tale has been brought to you by the letter C for CODEINE. Good for controlling coughing AND for rambling remembrances.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane

* posted by me at 4:22 PM

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2006-05-09 
 

gone

The internet is an interesting place. Sites live on for years after they were last updated, fortunes are made and a person can go in and revisit the past by creating a new folder.

Labels: linkage, memory lane

* posted by me at 1:20 AM

(0) comments



2006-05-04 
 

summer vacation

Left work a bit early today for a doctor's appointment. We determined that whatever ails me is not what the original doctors were all excited about. For the most part they tried not to show it, but I did feel at times like a rare bug surrounded by overly excited entomologists. Yes, I'm still a mystery to modern medicine, but a relatively healthy one...just an average bug with oddly colored wings.

On the way to the doctor, I realized that what I need right now isn't just a week away from work, but an actual summer vacation. I've managed to have quite a few in my life, but haven't managed more than two weeks off at a stretch since 1998.

The realization made me want to catalog them all. I know! That idea's got to have you more curious than a cat on Sunday! So strap yourself in and hold on for an exciting review of...

THE SUMMERS OF MIKEY
You must be THIS bored to continue on the ride.

1-4 Every day was summer vacation! It started with nipples and nappies and ended when Mom dropped me off in that strange school place for the first time.

5-15 Standard school summers off, and they always seemed to start shortly before my birthday. Bonus!

16-18 Technically working during those summers, but only part time and at Friendlys to boot. I often look back at that job and count it as one of the best I ever had. No real pressure other than the compressed gas inside the whip cream dispenser.

19 Took an internship (thanks to Dad) that involved filing medical documents and/or pretending to file medical documents while actually reading my latest book. (My first real job in corporate america and I learned quite quickly that being a temp who is too good at something causes resentment amongst the permanent folk.)

I should also mention that there were four of us in the file room doing a job that truly only required one and a half people. Yes, I got a lot of reading done...oh and some sleeping. At some point that summer I realized that taking short naps while "filing" had nothing to do with the dullness of the job and everything to do with the fact that I'd contracted mononucleouses. This meant several weeks off during which Mom actually expected me to lie on the couch and watch TV! When God invented mono, he gave a gift to teenagers everywhere.

20 Another internship during which I actually worked for most of the summer and rediscovered my love of computers. (Thanks again Dad!)

21 One week as a parking attendant in a job my grandfather got me. I was fired several hours before the job ended allowing me to mark off that particular box on the "things to do before I die" list. Dad actually told me not too worry too much about the joblessness since I was entering my senior year and would never have a true summer off again, Mom seemed complicit in this simply because she didn't mention my jobless state once. (In case you haven't put two and two together, my parents are so much cooler than yours.)

22 Graduated in May and didn't start working at my first post college job until late August. I admit to dragging my feet a bit because I feared it truly would be my last long break. Most of my memories of this summer are bathed in a golden light, like a cheesey flashback in a WB drama.

23 No actual summer months off, but I did intentionally take October and half of November off during a job transition. I used the time off to fully remove the closet door I'd been peeking out of and burned it up in a celebratory bonfire of gayness. The light of the bonfire showed me a side of Boston I hadn't realized existed.

24 Happy to be gay and working in Boston, life was a party. Who needed summer vacation?

25 Left work the week of Labor Day and used September to drive across the country. Didn't find my first SF job until October. My second Indian Summer Vacation.

26 Happy to be living and working in San Francisco, life was a party. Who needed summer vacation?

27 Asked for a raise in May. Didn't get it. Left first week of June. Took a few weeks off and then temped sporadically until the old job called back offering more money. Told 'em I had some stuff to finish up and went back last week of July. (Cleverly avoiding a month long gap in my resume. Pretty sneaky, Sis!)

28 The week before my birthday in June, having finally paid off the credit card debt incurred by moving and living in San Francisco, I decided to leave corporate office work behind. Yes, I would finally become the bohemian revolutionary I'd originally come to San Francisco to be!

Translation: I racked up some new credit card debt while working part time as an advertising manager for a (now defunct) local gay rag called Creampuff. This involved many afternoons spent in area gay bars trying to track down the owners and convince them that they ought to advertise with us. The bartenders usually did their job and claimed no knowledge of the owners whereabouts, but they often gave me a free beer for my troubles. I also had access to free movie passes, event tickets, museum exhibits etc. because various PR firms hoped we'd help promote them. (Sure, I had to write a review or two, but this blog shows what an awful time I have giving my opinion out.) Oh, and no cover or waiting in line at many of my favorite bars and clubs. Very fun, but not conducive to a growing bank account.

In November of that year, after 5 1/2 months, I ended my longest summer vacation since the age of four and returned to the world of cubes and copy machines.

Seven years later I'm really craving one, but society tends to frown on adults indulging in such a youthful activity.

Hmmmm....maybe if I call it a sabbatical?

Labels: dose of mikey, medical mystery, memory lane

* posted by me at 10:34 PM

(2) comments



2006-02-02 
 

peace of cake

I met Brian in college. T and I were driving by on our way to CVS and she noticed him walking in the weather. (not raining really, but it had been and was at the nasty point inbetween mist and rain where an umbrella is only useful to test puddle depth)

He was "gasp!" gay, or so said the rumors. Her suggestion that we offer him a ride scared the pink right out of my closeted gay self, but we ended up driving him back to his dorm.

T and I both came out officially after college. Hmmmm, maybe it IS contagious.

Seriously though, his courage to officially come out while still in school inspired me to start being more honest with myself and with the people I was closest to. Thanks Brian! (and thanks for sticking with me through the ups and downs since then...you are a true friend and I'm lucky to still have you in my life)

He's over in my blog links now as Peace of Cake. For those of you who know him, he's just as funny and thought provoking as ever, for everyone else...what are you waiting for? I mean, I know I'm fascinating and all, but this entry's finished now.

Labels: blogging, memory lane, shout out

* posted by me at 1:39 AM

(2) comments



2005-12-20 
 

santa in my lap

Lunched with a former coworker who left the company after having her second kidlet. Too cute! She had him in a tiny Santa suit made out of cozy fleece.

He’s one of those babies that smiles at about anything, and I was more than happy to keep him in my cube while she visited with coworkers. Later I carried him down the street while she gave his almost 4 year old brother a bit of attention.

I was rather young, but I do remember vaguely how annoying it was when Dude would get all the attention just for being his cute little self while my wonderfulness went largely ignored by others in the room. Made sure to send some of the ‘how cute are you’ comments to the older brother and pointed out after lunch that he’d get to drive WAY ahead of the baby. This seemed to please him, but there was also a toy frog in his line of site so I won’t take all the credit.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane

* posted by me at 10:21 PM

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2005-12-03 
 

an entry in two parts - part two

Wednesday night, as I typed in the preceeding entry, I had several lines interspersed throughout which owned that a certain religious ceremony played a part in my willingness to open my mind to new ideas. It mucked with the flow of the entry so I decided to take them out, but didn't want to lose the thoughts. I saved 'em in draft form and decided to publish them later. So regarding yesterday's take that the Tomorrow People helped pave the way for a SciFi passion...

I need to admit that this particular take on things may not be 100 percent accurate. In fact, at the time, I held an unshakeable faith in the very unscientific dogma of the protestant church, and much of the SciFi I came across did tend to challenge that faith or at least force me into a position where I'd need to examine it.

It was around the time of the Tomorrow People that I also began preparations to become a member of the church. It involved classes in the church's beliefs and a much deeper examination of religion than I'd been exposed to before.

It might surprise some to learn that I class the experience as quite positive. I had the good fortune to be led by a man who insisted that we truly examine our own faith to ensure that it was real without once standing above and claiming that he had the accurate interpretation of the whole truth. In fact, it was his admission that the bible was indeed open to interpretations and that he himself had questions about certain points that kept me a member of that particular congregation for so long. Long after I realized that the sect as a whole was decades, if not centuries away from considering intimate love between men as being a godly option in life.

As I look back there were many other factors involved in the expansion of my mind. Parents who insisted that I learn to think for myself, a particularly involved history teacher in 10th grade, and many others.

Darn. I thought I was having a relevation and it turned out I was just looking at my belly button.

Oh well, it's the thought that counts. Nostalgic masturbation aside, I truly appreciate those who gave me the opportunities and ecourougment to think. I'll let these entries stand as a minor thank you to all of them.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane

* posted by me at 1:03 AM

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2005-12-01 
 

an entry in two parts - part one

Recently I've been going through the Tomorrow People DVDs in the Netflix library. (in order, of course)

I remember watching the series on Nickelodeon as a young teenager and how it marked a bit of a turning point for me. I had always loved fantasy, but until that point felt uncomfortable with SciFi because the sometimes frightening ideas and possible negative paths for humanity that the stories depicted followed laws and logic that I knew deep down could allow those ideas and paths to become realities.

It scared the shit out of me.

Then I found the Tomorrow People which showed a world with a bit of hope, where people chose to live a caring life because it felt like the right thing to do and not because there was someone standing above them enforcing codes written by a select few with oft skewed viewpoints. It was around this time when I went from being afraid of SciFi to craving it; precisely because of the challenges it presented. The frightening ideas turned into warnings and encouraged me to think of alternatives.

Alice's six impossible things before breakfast suddenly had quite a few variations that I'd never considered before.

Rewatching the series, I'm forced to admit that the acting wasn't always top notch and that the dialouge sometimes left a bit to be desired. All the same, I'm still completely sucked in as the 14 year old I was relives his wish to "break out". To share in the three T's of Telepathy, Teleportation and Telekenisis, and to rejoice in finding others who shared the dream of making the world a better place.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane, random review

* posted by me at 12:42 AM

(1) comments



2005-11-11 
 

glad to be me

If I had it all to do over again, I'd like to try and stop hating myself a bit earlier in life.

Surrounded by people who loved me during my youth, yet feeling that I was an aberration...that I was somehow supposed to have been above it all and failed miserably, kept me wavering between hopeless despair and intense self hatred.

Maybe this is normal, but I tend to think not.

Sometime in 4th grade I accepted Mr. JC as my lord, mostly in hopes that he'd save me. In many ways he did, but like any good god, he knew that letting me find my own way was worth more in the long run than a wave from his magic wand.

I'd fall asleep praying to him, "please let the apocalypse come...life is too hard...let it all end now...please let tomorrow be the last day." For many years, these were often my last waking thoughts, but he never answered that particular prayer.

There was a little group of druggy types in junior high who called me Smiley because...well I was always smiling. I'd learned that keeping that fake smile pasted on did one of two things. It either scared people into leaving you alone or convinced them you were okay and needed no further attention. The druggy types just thought I'd found some really good weed.

I made a feeble attempt at suicide at age 13 by downing a bottle of aspirin and various other low level medications I found at home....hoping they'd combine forces and do me in. My naivete is almost laughable in retrospect, but I'm thankful today that my parents didn't have anything harder biding it's time in the medicine chest. I suffered nothing worse than a few hours of throwing up and an extreme dizziness. It even got me out of school the next day, but I spent several years hating myself for being such a total wimp because I hadn't even had the guts to kill myself properly.

My epiphany that God loved me because of who I was instead of in spite of it came at age 16, shortly after I'd decided that falsely following rules I didn't believe in would only result in hurting those around me, and myself, more than rebelling against those same rules.

I stayed pretty quiet about it all at first, but over the course of several years I learned to allow myself to be happy without feeling guilt and started to pass that message on to friends who needed to hear it. A decade later I fully surrendered to the power of the universe around me and finally forgave myself for being alive in a messy world. It was that day that I felt myself cradled in God's hands and knew that everything was going to be okay.

I thought the point I was making was this:

How great would it be to feel that way earlier in life instead of waiting until I was in my late 20s? How much further could I have gone had I chosen to change my mind as a child instead of as a teenager? What if I'd moved faster and given in to joy in college?

The truth is that I think I needed to remember this journey I'd taken. I still stumble across old recordings now and again. Looped admonitions that I'm worthless and a failed person, but they're harder to hear and easier to erase than in my youth. That being said, I've been so busy these past few years that I'm in danger of forgetting that life's a continuous journey.

Changing my mind, and deciding to love myself was one of the hardest and most powerful things I've done in this life. I need to remember that. The choices I'm faced with these days sometimes seem insurmountable, but I've already made the toughest choice of all.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane, spirit

* posted by me at 3:12 AM

(0) comments



2005-10-09 
 

flying high

Let me start with a brief review of Serenity. Kick ass! I don't often use that term so it may sound odd coming from me, but this movie rocked. Best SciFi that I've seen in a long time.

In other news, Fleet Week in SF means hearing quite a few jet engines over the past few days. While some folks complain about the noise and comment on the waste of fuel, I have to own loving it all. I spent many a summer swimming in Peter's Pond and playing in the sand. The sound of jets flying low overhead as they prepared to land at nearby Otis Airforce Base became as normalized to me as the sounds of crickets in the woods at night. Those summers are far away, but the sound of a low flying jet jerks me back into a past that was so much simpler. Besides, pilots are HOT.

Labels: dose of mikey, linkage, memory lane, random review

* posted by me at 9:26 PM

(0) comments



2005-10-01 
 

auntie mame is hung

I had a friend back in Boston who would throw that quote at me quite regularly. For some reason, she popped into my mind this morning, and I wondered how she was doing. (Okay, the reason is probably strongly linked to the fact that I had about 20 martinis last night and a generally all around good time.)

We fell out of touch after I moved to SF, but the memories still bring a smile to my face. Sure, today the smile came after a couple of aspirin and a strong cup of coffee, but it did eventually make an appearance and I'd like to give a shout out to Grace to say thanks.

Labels: memory lane, shout out

* posted by me at 5:44 PM

(1) comments



2005-08-19 
 

oh wondrous thunder!

Oh wondrous thunder!

Anastacia, vixen of years past, grown full with your own potential. The waxing one now full. Your words bring joy to an unsteady heart, to a soul buried beneath electronic bits and bytes and forced to endure congresses in which only future congress is discussed, ne’er solutions or escape.

Indeed, is this what I have become? An automaton with no rest but that which dear sweet death shall bring? My voice cries out, weakly at first but then stronger and more assured, buoyed by the sweet sound of your voice rising inside of me.

The seeds you have planted grow more than that rarest of beauty now. My hope also grows.

Yours as always –

Stephan

Labels: memory lane, shout out

* posted by me at 1:22 PM

(0) comments



2005-08-02 
 

safe harbor

I remember playing variations on tag or hide and seek when I was a child and the sudden melting relaxation I would feel when someone called out the all clear.

Depending on the neighborhood and decade you grew up in, this may have varied, but probably went something like this:

Oldie, Oldie, come home free!
or:
All ye, all ye in come free!
or: (one of my favorites)
Molly, Molly, Boxtop Feet!

Tonight, as I walked past a barfull of post work revelry, a dark haired patron with a beer in his hand leaned out of the door and called out to his friend Mark across the street. Mark had just paused while exiting the door of a too modern office building and was looking back inside fretfully until he heard his friend shout.

"Mark! Ollie, ollie, oxen free!"

Without another look back, he crossed the street to his friend.

The whole scene made me smile. We should all have someone calling us to safety at the end of the day.

Labels: memory lane, san francisco

* posted by me at 10:35 PM

(0) comments



2005-02-16 
 

beam me up

Bun's back in town! Got a call from her yesterday and she's hoping to have me/us over for a dinner soon in the temporary digs she's sharing with other members of her family. Not sure how long she'll be around, but excited to see her for a good old catch up.

I'm still selfish enough to want her all to myself, but willing to own that emotion so I can enjoy her as part of a bigger group now. Still, that's not saying I won't try to get her to myself for at least a moment or two. After all, it's been over two years since we last met in person.

Insert appropriate wavy lines here. Then picture a montage of short clips featuring B and myself in a mulitude of merry situations. Ready? CUE VOICEOVER:

For most of my first years in SF, B and I were constant companions, spending most of our free time with each other. Shortly after I met G she made the jump up North to move in with her new family and our closeness swam down to a deeper level. It breached the surface whenever we spoke on the phone, but drifted down again after goodbyes were said.

OK, the friendship/whale metaphor turns out much weirder than I intended, but it comes closest to expressing thoughts that haven't quite formed fully in my mind.

We always travelled different paths, yet they constantly paralleled one another. Often so closely that the path become as one. At other times, further apart, but never placing us out of site from one another. I sometimes wonder if we met before this life and planned our individual "nesting" phases to coincide. I wonder if we knew about the median strip that would spring up between us, blinding us to each others experiences save for the occasional glimpse when we crossed bridges.

OK, friendship as parallel path not as odd, but too cliche and transition to highway image rather harsh. Will return to these thoughts at a later date.

END VOICEOVER

In other, non-metaphoric news: The comments are finally working for ALL users and not just folks with blogger accounts. Yay!

Labels: blogging, memory lane, shout out

* posted by me at 12:11 AM

(0) comments



2005-02-04 
 

ups and downs

I left work today in a bit of a funk. Plugged into music for the commute home and went from funk to a rather pleasant dazed feeling. Felt a bit like I'd gotten stoned, but without the drymouth and munchies.

Got home and took a brief nap before walking to my doctor's appointment.

On the way I saw an orange tree...of sorts.



Read an interesting piece in a back issue of the New Yorker: Ice, by Thomas McGuane.

The doctor kept getting called out of the examining room to discuss a patient he'd just admitted to the hospital for some scary brain problem. I stared at the wall.



He's the first doctor I've felt comfortable with in a long time, but my blood pressure was still a little high, and the interview process to record my medical history brought me down again as I was reminded that I need to quit smoking, eat less, excercise more, etc. (That etcetera covers quite a bit that I'd rather keep to myself right now.)

Now I'm home again. Posting these pictures and telling a little story of my day perked me up a bit, but I'm still haunted by the theme from Growing Pains.

Show me that smile again, (Oh, show me that smile)
Don't waste another minute on your cryin',
We're nowhere near the end (We're nowhere near)
The best is ready to begin.

Labels: 1000 words, dose of mikey, medical mystery, memory lane, reading

* posted by me at 5:24 PM

(1) comments



2005-01-22 
 

dreams of yesterday

Woke up this morning and was surprised to find myself back in San Francisco. An intense batch of dreams directly before waking all took place as if I had only just graduated college and was still living back in New England. During the short period between waking and actually opening my eyes, I found myself feeling happy that I wouldn't be working at the Rock Shop today and wondering if the old gang would be up for a brunch at Bickfords. Weird.

Labels: dose of mikey, looking eastward, memory lane

* posted by me at 1:14 PM

(0) comments



2005-01-14 
 

tiny lights in the darkness

While waiting for the barbecue to heat up last night, I wandered out into the center of our rather small back yard. Looking up I could see the Pleiades framed between the leaves of the palm and the redwood.

I first met the sisters almost 15 years ago.

There's about 18 of us bundled up to help protect us from the biting cold that typifies a January night in Massachusetts. Someone passes around a flask of cheap whiskey, but I only take a small sip. Over the past week, I've become fascinated by the astronomy professor and have a deep desire to do well in his class. While whiskey is tempting, I want nothing to impair my ability to remember what he's teaching. We hike out into the middle of a large field. The frozen ground crunching beneath my feet sounds like adventure.

We gather around in a circle and Professor begins going over everything we've studied over the past week...except he's using the real sky instead of a representation in a textbook.

And so I met the Pleiades. Sure there's many other constellations that I like to look up at, but the Pleiades were met first and will always have a special place in my personal mythology.

I had a little smile inside me all last night, and again now as I type this.

Labels: dose of mikey, looking eastward, memory lane

* posted by me at 2:11 AM

(1) comments



2005-01-11 
 

dirty swedish maids

Yes it's late, but I can't sleep. Checked my stats for the first time in a couple months and People, you might want to stay inside. It's getting a bit odd out there.

Or maybe you want to go out in it. Who am I to judge your kink? Lord knows I've got a few of my own. Warning: I feel this post taking a turn in a direction I would normally block and send over to the backroom, but I'm tired of trying to keep it PG all the time. Backrooms are for X, not PG-13 or R. I suggest that anyone feeling a bit of trepidation right now should scroll quickly past the rest of this Tuesday entry below and read Monday's entry instead. A nice and quiet entry about Australian candy. (Although, I've already been told it was oddly subversive. Go figure.)

Anyhoo, my stats engine lets me know what search strings bring folks to my little hole in cyberspace. Faves of the past 30 days:

dirty swedish maids
edwardian masters and maids
strange love facts
hen strange love
st barts marijuana
tests on if you and you boyfriend still love each other

Honey, if you gotta take a test to find out, I'm doubting that you did in the first place...and while I'm meowing, let me add that it's "YOUR boyfriend" not "you boyfriend."

Hey! Who let the queen out? (whoot, whoot...ah whatever)

My favorite string so far this month: animals that begin with b. So Sesame Street and kinda sweet, but also troubling for a moment or two.

I do worry about kids stumbling in here unaware. Little kids, not teenagers. Hold on a second while I get up on my soapbox and slalom the topic a bit. Steady...okay.

I honestly feel that people don't give teens the credit they deserve. I read Portnoy's Complaint and Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up to Me at age 12. Both contained rather adult subject matter, but like most teens I dealt with what I understood and stored the rest away for future referencing. Now I'm not saying to hook your kids up with these books, especially not at age 12. However, should you find them lying by the kids bed it's time for a conversation and not a scolding...you might also want to prepare them for their future as an English Major...but I digress.

For me, those books, and several other items I found in my parent's collection, kept me from killing myself as a teen. Portnoy, and a mild addiction to the Playboy Advisor, convinced me there'd be no blindness or hair growing on my palms due to my shameful addiction...or from the images I conjured up while indulging in it. (In fact, after enough backlogging through old Advisor columns, I learned that my shameful addiction was actually quite normal. A wonderful spot of calm hope in my otherwise anxious existence.)

Unintentially, Portnoy's, also glamorized therapy. When I eventually lay on the couch myself, the eventual acceptance of surviving abuse had the added bonus of leaving my innerGoth feeling like a true antihero.

Been Down So Long was mostly indeciphrable to me the first time I read through it, but I came away with the sense that everything would be alright if I could only make it to college. For anyone familiar with the book that may seem a strange takeaway, but it was mine and it kept me holding on to life through some tough years. Getting older meant I'd finally get to do things my way and be true to myself and, as an added bonus, college was a place that the mouthbreathers from school wouldn't make it into.

Aside: I actually met a dear friend in college with whom I still have a Pooh/Piglet connection. Radically different from the one in the book, although we did do acid together once...and oh the tea!

And we return you to your regularly scheduled blog: So I've decided that I'm going to trust the internet powers that be and responsible parenting to filter my site away from impressionable young eyes, because while I've been pretty good at keeping myself PG, I have occasionally faltered into the PG-13, or even (GASP) the rare R. Apologies to the more sensitive of you but self censorship of that sort makes me itch, and I'm stopping it right now.

Never fear, X will remain firmly in the backroom with the other consenting adults, but I'm not escorting R out of the room anymore should she make an appearance.

All that being said, let me leave you with a favorite string of curse that I stole outright from another college chum long ago and which I still sing quietly to myself when some unsavory character gets too close to me on public transit.

Shit damn fucking damn fucking damn shit.

Please note that normally this is said alltogether as one word, sort of like supercalifragiletcetera. Shitdamnfuckingdamnfuckingdamnshit. I've just added in the spaces above to help those content advisors filter me out.

Refreshing!

Labels: blogging, dose of mikey, memory lane, reading

* posted by me at 3:24 AM

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2005-01-03 
 

memories of a day mare

I took my lunch break at my desk today in order to read through recaps of some of my fave shows on Television Without Pity.

I've avoided TWP for quite some time now because I knew that it would become like heroin to me, yet another maze to lose myself in on the internet. See, what I love about the internet is the words. Pictures, moving images, and sound all add to the experience, but I'm almost happier with a text-centric page since I've always had the ability to bring text to life inside my head. It's not as intense when reading non-fiction, but exists in a watered down form. The more descriptive the passage, the better the trip.

I don't read fiction as often as I'd like because this ability to shut out everything but the vision of what I'm reading can sometimes distract from important happenings in the physical world around me. This made itself clear again today when a link from a page on TWP describing an episode of LOST took me for a ride into memory town.

The author made a reference to a series of books I'd been quite obsessed with as a teenager. He also kindly linked to a web page recapping each chapter. Only a few lines to describe each chapter, but the characters and places depicted jumped back to life for me as if I'd only left them yesterday. Entire story lines were pulled from somewhere in my subconscious and began playing again.

Sitting at your desk and having a vision of a story you once knew is not the best thing to be doing at work. My parents used to tell me that they could've cracked an egg over my head while I was reading and I would only have noticed should the yolk come between myself and the pages.

The VP who stopped by didn't have an egg and it took him tapping me on the shoulder to break me out of it.

Now a tap on the shoulder may not seem a worthy alert based on my earlier mention of a cracked egg on the head so I need to confess to the following: It wasn't the tap that actually alerted me, but the fact that someone had "invaded" my cube. Funny how easy it is to feel territorial about a small square of space that the company truly owns.

Fortunately it was just after lunch, and the VP's a nice guy, but I don't think he would've been quite as amused if it had been a bit earlier or later in the day.

All that being said, I wouldn't trade my ability to fade into the written word for anything in the world. In fact, I plan to indulge in it a bit more often -at appropriate times of course- in hopes of avoiding a future workplace incident.

Labels: dose of mikey, linkage, memory lane, random review, reading, sharketing, writing

* posted by me at 11:03 PM

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2004-12-04 
 

what would william think?

When I was younger I created a variation of an invisible friend. His name was William, and I met him for the first time on a day I'd stayed home sick from school.

I lay in bed, finally bored of the many puzzles Mommy had brought in to amuse me. My little world of the bedroom had become tiresome since I know that doing anything too noisy will cause a scolding to come my way. Looking at the bookshelf, I can't find anything that hasn't been read at least two or three times already. So I curl up into the bed and pull the blanket over my head.

The realization that I'm a caterpillar in a cocoon hits me suddenly. I feel my body slowly morphing. Little legs are sinking back into my body, while at my back I feel wings sprouting. I can't see them, but I know that they're the most beautiful wings in all of the world! With a sudden burst of energy, I throw off the covers and stand wobbling on the soft mattress. Then another burst of knowledge. I'm not a butterfly at all! I'm William, and I must be having an incredibly odd dream. You see, I'd gone to sleep the night before, laying on a most comfortable pile of hay that I'd pushed into the corner after cleaning out my master's stable and tending to the horses. I remember settling in to the comforting straw and falling asleep giving thanks to the heaven's that they helped me to find such a good master. His given name was Ethan, though I had to call him Sir Gothardt as a sign of respect. I did so gladly. Sir Gothardt was a good master, and I led a good life as his squire.

But the world around me looks nothing like the stable I know so well. What, after all, could that strange object in the corner be? It was tall and looked a bit like the harpsichord I'd seen on a visit to Lord Darkwind's castle, but it was made from a strange purple marble. I remembered Lady Ursula explaining to Sir Gothardt that the harpsichord sounded better than any other in the country because of the fine wood it had been crafted from. This marble object couldn't be a musical instrument, could it?

Glancing down, I can see my feet causing an indent in a bed of some sort. But what a strange bed it is! And how unsteady I feel trying to keep balance on the softest of mattresses! My unsteadiness convinces me that the best course of action would be to sit down. So I do.

I pull the sheets up over my lap and realize that I must be in one of Lord Darkwind's rooms. After all, the material is soft and colored a pale green, I decide that this must be the silk Lady Ursula raves on about. I look behind me and see a pillow wrapped in a patterned field of hundreds of flowers. It's then that I notice the strange device sitting on a short table at the side of the bed. It's black and made from a shiny black substance that is slick to the touch. On the very front is a very small and very odd metal bar. Above the bar someone has written the word "ON" upon it in a very neat hand. A short bit below the bar, I see the word "OFF" in the same writing. I puzzle over this for a bit. What does it mean? As I run my fingers over the bar, it shifts upward.

I jump back as a bright light shines suddenly from the top of the device. Fire! I look around for some water to throw on it, but my panic subsides as I see that the flames are not spreading. In fact, the light is steady and not flickering at all. Cautiously, I reach toward the object. It is much warmer at the top, but not at all hot. The little bar remains cool. I flick it back down, and the light is extinguished. It makes me sad to lose the light, but after a moment, the significance of "ON" and "OFF" comes to me. I push the little bar back upward and the light once again shines on the room around me.

As I switch the magical light on and off joyfully, I know what my mission must be. This isn't Lord Darkwind's castle at all. It's a wondrous new country that I've somehow traveled to in my sleep. It's clear that I've been sent to this place as a scholar, and must detail and catalog everything I see so that I can share them all with the people back in the lands I came from.

I go slowly around the room, discovering any number of other magical items. The craftsmanship of the shelves amazes me, but more wonderful are the small framed paintings. Paintings made with such skill that no brushstokes are visible. Then there's the unending supply of exotic toys! I do feel a bit silly playing with them at first. After all, I'm an old boy now and a squire to boot. Toys are things for small children of 5 or 6...but the discovery that some of them boast the magic of "ON" and "OFF" and can MOVE ON THEIR OWN, convinces me that they fall well within my mission of discovery.

Finally, I'm finished with the shelves, and approach the marble structure in the far corner. I feel it tentatively expecting cold stone, but am surprised to find that it's much softer than that. In fact, it's made from wood after all. Someone has only painted it to resemble marble. When I touch one of the little white planks on the front, it does indeed make a sweet sound, just like the harpsichord back home. This too, must have fine wood underneath the purple and grey paint. But it looks so strange! I hit more of the little planks and marvel at the minds that must have decided to create such a strange object.

Then a voice calls out, "Michael? Was machts du?" It's German! At least I think it must be German. It sounds quite like the language Lady Ursula and her sisters talk when they're telling secrets.

I decide that the best course of action is to crawl back into the bed, pull the covers over my head and return quickly to my own country.

Pulling the soft cotton covers down from over my head, I'm Mike again. But a much happier Mike who is willing to see what a great world we live in.

Since that first time, William's been to visit me many times. He never comes in such a dramatic fashion anymore. In fact sometimes I'll just be pulling on my sock and he'll be there, wondering what marvelous technology created such a comfortable and finely spun garment.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Rereading that, I realize that it might have been clearer to call William an alter ego from the start, but isn't that exactly what invisible friends are?


This entry is dedicated to several people:
Emma, whom I hope finds someone as magical as William in her own life.
Mom and Dad, for never stifling my odd creative bursts
Mark, who asked me to blog something soon.
and Greg, for always reminding me that there's magic in the world

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane, shout out, spirit

* posted by me at 10:17 PM

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2004-08-01 
 

womb

I remember getting out of church in the early spring and waiting around in the chill air outside for Mom and Dad to stop chatting with everyone under the sun. My favorite days were sunny ones, when we could ask for the car keys and go wait in the old Pontiac. Though the air outside was cool, the car's interior would be luxuriously warm having baked in the sun for a few hours.

I'd scrunch down on the seat and get drowsy looking up at the thousands of perforated dots in the ceiling vinyl. If I adjusted my eyes in just the right manner, the dots would start to multiply. Layer upon layer floating closer and closer to the tip of my nose.

If I could freeze moments in time, that would be one of them.

Labels: memory lane, spirit

* posted by me at 5:34 PM

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2004-07-24 
 

explode 

I have a vivid memory of a professor in college reading the Langston Hughes poem Dream Deferred.
 
She starts off in a normal tone of voice:
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
 
Her voice drops a notch.
Or fester like a sore...And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over-like a syrupy sweet?
 
She lowers her voice further and further until it's barely above a whisper 
Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.
Or does it...
The last word slams into us, as she shouts it at the top of her lungs.

EXPLODE!

A rather effective way to wake up the class on a dreary November morning.

I also remember constantly getting that poem and the Violent Femmes song, Blister in the Sun hopelessly twisted up together in my mind.  Whenever I  heard the song, I'd want to shout out EXPLODE at some point.  Which didn't hurt anyone really, just confirmed the general consensus that I was an odd duck.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane

* posted by me at 6:08 PM

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2004-01-23 
 

old friends


In every friendship there are moments when we take each other for granted. I'm sorry if I've done that these past weeks, months, years. I can't promise to get less self involved, but I can try to remember that the world needn't stop and start with the company that signs my paycheck.

Can you imagine us
Years from today,
Sharing a park bench quietly?
How terribly strange
To be seventy.
Old friends,
Memory brushes the same years
Silently sharing the same fears
'Old Friends'from the album 'Bookends' (1968) - Simon and Garfunkle

Labels: looking eastward, memory lane, shout out

* posted by me at 4:41 PM

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borrowed entry

I'm very tired tonight and can't bear the thought of being original. Read SB's entry of January 14th here. A series has ended and the sets have been torn down. I got to keep a coffee cup thanks to SB and I appreciate that.

In other news: Donnie Darko keeps popping up in odd places.

Labels: blogging, linkage, looking eastward, memory lane

* posted by me at 2:27 AM

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2003-12-11 
 

snow globe

Shortly before he left for Vegas on one of his many trips, V asked me what he should bring back. I asked for something that was typically Vegas yet magical, kitschy yet classic, basically cool yet hot, and - of course - romantic.

He returned with a musical snow globe from the Mirage that has pastel colored palm trees in the middle of a blizzard when you shake it. It plays a nice rendition of Edelweiss and features a simple wooden base. I thought I was being cute asking for a bundle of contradictions, yet - for reasons too long to go into here - it met all my requirements. Ten years later it still sits on top of my bookshelf reminding me that impossible is just a word people use when they choose to give up trying.

Labels: dose of mikey, memory lane

* posted by me at 2:12 AM

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2003-10-11 
 

i can see clearly now

Just watched a movie called in some countries Advertising Rules, but it's original German title is Victor Vogel, Commercial Man. For someone like myself, working in marketing, it was very true to life and caused me to laugh out loud on a few occasions. Anyone else might find it a rather dull film, but trust me, it's my work life wrapped up in nice shiny wrapping.

One thing it gave me -beyond the intended purpose of showing the truth behind marketing- was the knowledge that our cousins in the EC are just as much a part of the first world as we.

In other news...added another entry to the archives. Mikey visits Warner Robbins.

Labels: dose of mikey, linkage, memory lane

* posted by me at 1:16 AM

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2003-07-20 
 

over the hills

Spent the weekend over in Roseville with G's parents. A nice visit bookended with forays into fast food land. A little sad to see Long John Silver's is just another restaurant with plastic seats and a primary color scheme. The food wasn't bad for that sort of place, but I have childhood memories of Mom and Aunt Ruth G. taking Mark and I there for a pretty nice evening. I remember wood panelling, lots of green plants and a server who'd bring the food over to your non plastic table. Might be the years colored my memory of the place, but I think perhaps they did what they had to in order to stay alive during the cut throat 80's. Corporate homogenization. I blame McDonalds. Evil place. Read Fast Food Nation and never eat there again.

As for the Central Valley in general...two words: TOO HOT. It was 102 degrees when we arrived...and his Mom said it had cooled down a bit! It was pleasant to sit outside at midnight in a pleasantly warm 85 with a nice breeze, but I think it solidified my desire to stay within 20 miles of the coast for actual living. I need to know there's a cool ocean somewhere close by to jump into when the temperature gets up that high.

Labels: dose of mikey, linkage, local getaway, memory lane

* posted by me at 11:48 PM

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2003-05-28 
 

hawaiian dreamin

I think I need a vacation. Today was my first official day in the new position and while I'm excited about it all, my energy level was low and I found myself thinking about how far away the next long weekend is. I've been wanting to do something with G that isn't just a trip back home to MA. Not that I don't want to see everyone, but we haven't actually taken a true week-long vacation on our own in the whole time we've been together.

My trip to Hawaii a few years back with Bunny Girl was one of the best vacations I ever took. Beautiful island and beautiful company. B and I were so in sync with each other back then, that we could easily give each other space when it was asked for and felt free to ask for it when needed. We'd also worked out a decision making process that truly took each other's desires into consideration and ended up leaving both of us happy. (It helps that we'd recently been practicing choice as a method of being happy. So simple, yet such a hard concept for many to grasp.) Even when there was friction, as in the lava talk, we'd learned to get it out in the open and then let go. A bit like a well married couple, minus the sex. (Though we gave each other space for that too now that I think of it.)

After almost three years together, G and I are getting close to a similar space. Still a ways to go, and the processes are a bit different, but it's there and I long to spend time away from it all with him and just him. Maybe again to the Big Island since it was truly one of the most beautiful spaces I've ever been to, but maybe someplace new to both of us. Iceland comes to mind for some reason. We both have a strange fascination with the green island nation up north, and it would be fun to share discovering it with him.

Random thought: I always feel great on islands and peninsulas and they tend to dominate my dreams. Cape Cod, San Francisco, Hawaii, St. Barts...even Manhattan and Boston in a strange way. Once an island and a peninsula respectively that have taken on a whole new identity as the years went on.

Labels: g, memory lane, sharketing, spirit

* posted by me at 2:23 AM

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2003-04-05 
 

big round head

I'm not fat...a little pudgier than I used to be maybe...but not huge. However, looking at the picture below I see a big round head. Looking back at pictures of me when I was skinny...big round head. Where did it come from? Mom and Dad don't have big round heads. Dude doesn't have a big round head. I fear a Chandleresque moment. I'll be minding my own business when suddenly someone close by will freak out and start shouting,"Big Head! Big Head! Big Head!"

In other, less self obsessed news: spoke to Bun today and it made me a little nostalgic. I'm happy that we've both figured out different ways of finding happiness, but I do miss the days when it was the two of us vs. the world (and we always seemed to be winning.) I was a bit sad too, because trying to talk to G about my feelings afterward is hard. They had a bad meeting way back when and never had another one to really figure each other out. She was in a place where her viewpoint was very important to her and he's pretty set in his viewpoints, so BOOM. Me? I just sat back and watched it happen because I couldn't bear to get in-between two people I loved so much. I've learned not to have regrets, but that was a big lesson for me. Sometimes you have to step in and get your hands dirty.

I have hopes that someday we'll all meet and realize what good friends are, but I have a feeling that isn't going to be. While it's putting thoughts into their heads that they may not be having, I think that G's not as open minded as I am about her particular situation...and I feel that she's probably not as open minded about his. C'est la vie. If we all agreed all the time, this world would be a very boring place. But it all makes me a little sad nonetheless.

Oops...guess this has been pretty self obsessed as well, but that's what you get for reading my blog.

Labels: dose of mikey, g, memory lane, shout out

* posted by me at 6:41 PM

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